State Of Mind
by nic98ole
Summary: You better watch out what you wish for. You may find that you'll be waking up in a dark nightmare instead of a golden dream. Kames/Cargan. R&R!
1. State of Longing

Well, here's another BTR story. I was thinking about this idea for a while now and started typing it out for another fandom, but I liked it more with Big Time Rush instead. So hopefully you all enjoy it!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything Big Time Rush related whatsoever

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><p><em><strong>'The one who makes me the happiest is always the one who is already taken'<strong>_

He didn't love me back.

He couldn't love me back.

Kendall Knight had everything. He had the looks that made everyone go weak in the knees and made hearts beat like crazy, he had the talent that left audiences and crowds breathless, he had the charisma that won everyone over.

He had a girlfriend. And I hated her.

I didn't think I would eventually come to dislike the girl that held Kendall's heart and it was becoming more and more harder to smile whenever she wraps her skinny arms around his torso and kissed his cheek. It killed me more when Kendall would give her a kiss in return and squeeze her tight.

Kendall was completely in love with Jo.

And I hated it.

I didn't know when the feelings started to get stronger for him. Maybe when I caught him once in our room with nothing but a towel on and felt something in my chest jump. Or maybe when we were playing hockey and we both collided on the ice, lips so close to each others that I could practically feel the warmth of his breath in the cold rink. Or maybe when I started to notice Logan and Carlos together, holding hands and whispering in each other's ears, nuzzling into each other's chests, that I started to feel a desire to be with someone.

Carlos was the only one that knew about my feelings for Kendall and as much as I hated it, he would always try to get Kendall and me alone together so I can just tell Kendall how I felt about him. How I thought about him and couldn't find anything else to think about. How I wanted to be the one he was kissing, the one he was holding in his arms, the one that he was sneaking out of the apartment ever Saturday night to see.

But I just couldn't.

Hmph, who figured that James Diamond, hottest member of Big Time Rush and always having girls (and guys) ready to be asked out, would be afraid?

Kendall was down by the pool with Logan, listening to the music Guitar Dude was composing from his guitar. I was in the lobby, watching from afar with Carlos sitting across from me, tapping out a rhythm on his black hockey helmet sitting in his lap. He was whistling a little tune and kept on giving me a sideways glance and I knew what was going through his mind.

"I don't see Jo around," he started off and I sighed, picking up a magazine and pretending to read it. "You should talk to him,"

"And say what? 'I love you Kendall, please dump Jo'?" I asked and Carlos rolled his eyes.

"Well don't tell him to dump her," he said jokingly and I smiled wryly.

"I wish I had what you and Logan had," I said quietly, glancing over at the brunette now. He was reading a deep green book and I couldn't read the title from this distance, but the words printed on the cover were in gold. Carlos sighed and it wasn't the usual sighs that he gave that expressed love. More like the sighs that I usually give when Jo and Kendall kiss. "What's wrong with you?" I asked and Carlos tapped his helmet with his fingers.

"Well, I don't know. He's been avoiding me a lot now and he's always busy so we can't do that many things together. And we never talk to each other outside the studio like usual. We're not going out as often as we used to. . .he's hanging more around Camille,"

It became more clear to what the Latino was really saying. Logan wasn't the type to cheat, and Camille's been our friend ever since we've arrived at the Palm Woods. And when they broken up with each other, they clearly stated that they just wanted to be friends. I combed some fingers through my hair, then quickly straightening any stray strands back to place.

"Don't think about it too much. We all knows what happens when _you _think," I replied and Carlos smiled. He turned his head to the side and his eyes widened all of a sudden. I tried to see what he was looking at, only it was just a potted plant that was in desperate need of water. He turned to me with a smile.

"There's a new girl,"

". . .Did she leave before I turned my head?" I asked, because what Carlos was looking at was not even human.

"She was right there. I'll point her out to you later," he said and continued to tap his helmet. I don't know how anyone could move that fast without me even seeing them from a distance but I doubt that Carlos was starting to go crazy from Logan not talking to him. I turned to look back outside and saw that Jo and Camille had joined the two guys at the table, Jo and Kendall sharing a smoothie.

Sickening.

I guess I was staring at them for too long since the blonde girl noticed me and waved, smiling brightly and I gave a weak wave back, trying not to draw anymore attention over here. Until I heard a loud cough from behind me and I turned to see a girl standing behind the chair, small black book in hand. Her black hair was long and curly, bangs sweeping down to cover her left eye. And the eye that was visible was deep and black and staring right at me. I smiled nervously.

"Um. . .hi?"

She smiled back at me and I felt more at ease. Carlos noticed the girl's presence and smiled as well.

"Hi! You're new to the Palm Woods?"

"Yes, I am," she said calmly, voice sounding light and airy and sending chills up my spine.

"What do you do? Sing? Act? Wait, I know! You're a model!" Carlos guessed and the girl smiled even brighter.

"I am an aspiring screenwriter," she replied, shifting from one foot to the other. She then stepped around the chair I sat in and stood between the two of us, her head turning back and forth to look at us. "Who are you?"

"I'm Carlos and that's James. And we are members of Big Time Rush. Real good pop band," he said happily and she smiled again. I heard another loud laugh, followed by 'Oh, Kendall! You're so funny!' and I rolled my eyes, not even daring to look over at the happy couple. When I looked back, the girl was staring at me like she was before, eyes growing darker and darker.

"Is something bothering the two of you?" she asked and I quirked a well groomed eyebrow the same time Carlos quirked his head.

"Like what?" we both asked at the same time and she stepped in closer to me.

"A person perhaps? Maybe something is getting in the way of what you want?" she asked me and I started to slink in my seat. Was it that obvious on my face? Or maybe Kendall is just oblivious. She stared at me and her smile grew bigger. She leaned in closer so that her pink lips were near my ear. "I can help you get him, if you should ask," she whispered and my face flushed red. I jumped up from the seat, pushing past the girl and grabbed Carlos's wrist, pulling him out of his seat and towards the elevator.

"You know what? I just remembered I have to show my friend the. . .uh. . .interesting thing in the hallway so if you mind," I stalled, trying to get out of the girl's sight. Something was off about her. For starters, how did she know it was a _boy _that I was after. And only after meeting her for like _two minutes_. Carlos shook free of my grasp.

"What's with you? She seems nice," he whispered to me, not trying to let the girl hear anything that might be offensive.

"Something's wrong. She said she'll 'help me get _him_'," I put extra emphasis on _him_. Carlos shrugged.

"Maybe her gaydar is up. I don't know what it is with women, but they just know these things," Carlos said, shaking it off and I frowned. He shrugged and turned to the girl, only to find that she was now closer than before.

"You want that boy out there, don't you?" she asked me, tilting her head to where the pool was and I gulped. She then turned to Carlos. "And you want the boy that's with him,"

Carlos's eyes widened for a bit and he blushed. "I shall ask this question again. Is there something bothering you two? Perhaps," she turned to Carlos, "a fear of not being loved or maybe," she turned to me, "a fear of not experiencing love at all,"

I shook my head. This was getting weird. But before I objected to any of her questions, Carlos spoke quietly.

"Maybe. . ." he barely said and she smiled. The smiling was now getting creepy. It didn't feel welcoming and kind anymore, it looked hungry and calculating. She held out her pale hand and touched Carlos's shoulder.

"I can help you. That is, if you desire my help," she said and Carlos looked at her.

"Help how?" he asked and she laughed, not sounding sinister but going back to that airy and bubbly tone.

"I have helped many people with their problems," she replied, flipping open her book and pulling out a black pen and faced me once more, "You both desire the same thing, just differently. One desires a love lost. The other desires a love never been found. I can give you what you desire,"

This was sounding way too good to be true. It sounded like a scam. A hoax like the Palm Woods ghost. A girl that's just trying to rile us both up and make us look like idiots.

I wanted Kendall so bad though. I wanted Jo away from him.

And Carlos wanted the spark him and Logan once had just as bad.

And we both found ourselves shaking our heads yes.

She smiled and began to write in the book, not letting us see her scrawl. Quick strokes began to mark up the paper and she removed the pen with a quick swipe and I cringed. She glanced at me, eyelids lowered and heavy and I looked at her.

"Things will be alright now. Things will be perfect," she said quietly and Carlos and I glanced at each other in confusion. What was wrong with this girl? We turned to where she was standing, only to find her gone, not even a trace of her in the lobby.

"Was that the girl you saw before?" I asked Carlos, my hand rubbing my neck and glancing around the quiet room.

"No. The girl I saw had blonde hair. And she looked kind of sad for some reason," he said dreamily. He rubbed his neck as well and I sighed. Okay, maybe Carlos did go a little crazy from lack of conversation with Logan. But still, I felt off.

Something felt strange.

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><p>Well there you have it. Reviews and constructive criticisms are welcome!<p> 


	2. State of Dreams

Well, like I said, I update real fast if it's a new story. Anyways, thank you child who is cool, I C a big world, Music4ever1617, SimplyAnonymous101, sleepless nights x, Evie-Wanna-Be-Famous, HonoraryLoser, Nobody Else Just Me, fall into your sunlight and Sum1cooler for reviewing, alerting and/or favoriting. It's great to hear some feedback. Anyways, I hope you guys like this next chapter!

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**

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><p><em><strong>'Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now?'<strong>_

There she was, standing there by the side of the pool with the moon shining brightly overhead. She didn't move or anything and from where I was standing, she had her back turned to me.

It must be a dream. Why would I even be out by the pool at this hour anyways? But it couldn't be a dream. My dreams were bright and sunny, Cuda sprays galore and relaxing in Kendall's arms. Instead, the only thing I saw was Jo's back. Maybe this was where Kendall and Jo meet every Saturday night, to do whatever they want to do without caring about the world.

Without caring about how I think.

_This is what you want. . ._

"Who's there?" I breathed, maybe too quiet for Jo to hear me since she didn't move.

_This is what you want. . ._

Jo slouched a little, skinny legs buckling and shoulders slumping. She whirled around to face where I stood, wherever that was, her eyes growing wider and wider. Her mouth open and closed like a fish out of water and she looked at me desperately, a whining noise coming from her throat. What was going on? She hunched over more and staggered forward and I found out something else.

I couldn't move. I was stuck and watching Jo stumble forward, blonde hair covering her growing gaunt face. She collapsed on the ground twitching and I stared, unsure of what to do and heart beating frantically.

This is a dream. This has to be a dream. Wake up, James. WAKE UP!

_This is what you want. . ._

She wasn't on the ground anymore. She disappeared.

And with that, I woke up to the sound of Katie screaming. I grabbed at my bed sheets, chest heaving and glancing around at the room that me and Kendall shared. Kendall was upright in his bed too, already climbing off of the mattress to see what exactly was the girl screaming at. He looked at me, hair in a crazed mess.

"Are you okay? You look pale," he asked, walking over and leaning beside the nightstand. I swallowed the breath I was choking on and shook my head. There was a knock on the door and Logan peeked his head inside.

"Katie's alright. She just had a nightmare," he explained. Well that makes two people tonight. Logan scratched his head, looking between me and Kendall curiously. "Hey, did any of you guys have a weird dream tonight?" he asked and Kendall shook his head no before turning to me, green eyes looking concerned. I lied and shook my head no as well and Kendall raised his eyebrows. I hated that he always knew when I was lying. Kendall opened his mouth to question me but Carlos stepped into the room as well, looking at Logan pleadingly.

"Logie," Carlos said quietly, looking at the boy with puppy dog eyes, "do you think that maybe we can all stay in one room tonight?"

Logan rolled his eyes and looked at me and Kendall for an answer. Kendall smiled.

"I'm alright with it. It'll be like 5th grade when we slept over at Carlos's house," he said, now getting onto his own bed. Carlos smiled and jumped onto my bed, crashing his helmet-covered head into the pillow. Logan sat at the foot of Kendall's bed, hands folded and looking at his boyfriend with tired eyes. "Logan, what did you mean by 'weird dreams'?"

Logan pointed a thumb at the boy sitting beside me.

"He was in my bed mumbling about a bad dream and right after that, Katie screamed about having a nightmare. I don't know, it seems like a weird coincidence," he said. Kendall then turned to me again, his eyes trying to force out what I was trying to hold in. I couldn't tell him about my dream. About what happened to Jo. About that voice. . .

What did that mean? 'This is what you want'?

I wanted Kendall. Why didn't I see him instead of. . .her?

The bed shifted and I turned to see Carlos already underneath the covers, light snoring coming from the smaller boy and I smiled a bit. I turned to the other two and they shook their heads, Logan taking some sheets and opting to sleep on the floor beside Kendall. Kendall looked at me once more and I glanced at the clock. It was 3:12 a.m. and we needed to be in the studio by 8. And I needed my beauty sleep, it's not easy looking this good.

"You think you have enough room in your bed for the two of you?" the blonde asked me and I shrugged. Carlos wasn't that big, but he thrashes around in his sleep. If I stayed in the bed, I would most likely end up on the floor. "You can share a bed with me,"

I blinked, unsure of how to react. My heart was screaming 'YES!' but my brain was shouting 'NO!'. Either way, both were beating real loud. I was hesitating and Kendall held out his hand.

"You don't have to. I mean, I just want you to be comfortable," he said, trying to make it sound like there wasn't anything behind his proposal. Yeah, of course there wouldn't. Because he has Jo. I pouted and got underneath the covers of my own bed. I'd rather have Carlos kicking me in the side than have a better listening spot to hear Kendall's midnight fantasies about Jo. Kendall said a weak goodnight and I made a grunt in response, not planning on thinking about the girl anymore tonight.

_This is what you want. . ._

That voice again. I opened my eyes again to look at the clock, the green lights reading 4:15 a.m. I turned to find Carlos was sitting up in the bed like I was, his eyes wide and scared.

"Did. . .you hear something?" he whispered, sounding unsure of himself and I nodded yes. He looked over at the still sleeping boys on the other side of the room and scooted in closer to me. "I heard someone talking to me in my dream. Well more like nightmare,"

"What was it?" I asked and Carlos shuddered.

"I was in the lobby and it was all dark and empty. Then I saw Camille and she was on the couch. I thought she was sleeping or something so I didn't say anything at first. Then I heard a voice that kept saying," he raised his hands and waved them, " 'This is what you want'," he spoke in a ghostly voice. I kept quiet, heart beating faster and Carlos continued, "Then all of a sudden, she started moaning. She kept on shouting 'Help!' and I didn't know what to do, I couldn't move. Her body started twitching and she started screaming and I was freaking out. And then, she just disappeared and I woke up," he said, now holding himself. He looked at me with frightened eyes. "I didn't want that to happen to Camille," he whispered, tones of guilt lingering on his voice.

I threw an arm around Carlos and pulled him into a hug, rubbing his back in small circles.

"It was a dream, Carlos. Don't worry about it," I said, trying to calm the boy down and I could hear the small sobs in his throat. He looked at me and rubbed his eyes, lips in that sad puppy dog pout. I sighed and hugged him tighter.

"I had a dream just like yours," I said and Carlos turned his head to look at me. "I was down by the pool and Jo was standing there. Then she started whining like she was in pain and started to hunch over and everything. She fell on the ground and was twitching and I couldn't do anything either. And that voice-"

"But why didn't Kendall and Logan have nightmares like this? Or Mama Knight?"

. . .Katie. Did she hear the voice too? It's too early to be trying to wake the girl up again, better try to ask about it when she's more ready.

"Just. . .let's go to sleep. And when the sun comes up, we'll call Camille and Jo," and I really didn't want to be talking to her, "and everything will be alright," I said with a smile and he nodded slowly, getting back underneath the covers once more. I glanced back to Kendall's sleeping face, a smile on his lips at his peaceful dream. I heard Carlos's light snoring start up again and I sighed, placing my cheek against the pillow and trying to close my eyes.

I didn't hear the voice anymore that night.

I only heard the sound of someone laughing.

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><p>Yah, there's the second chapter and chapter three is almost finished as well. I might look it over and re-type somethings, but it would most likely be up by the end of this week. But I want some reviews! Review and tell me what you think about the story and where it's going so far. Also people that put the story on alert or favorited, give a review too! Constructive criticism is still welcomed!<p> 


	3. State of Remembrance

Alright, here's the third chapter. I'm rewriting the fourth chapter now and it should be up next week. Well, until then, enjoy. And thanks Nobody Else Just Me, sum1cooler, ninja70 and TakenLiterally for the reviews/alert!

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**

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><p><em><strong>'Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated'<strong>_

There wasn't anyway to keep Mama Knight from knowing about secrets in the apartment. When Carlos and Logan were trying to keep their relationship a secret before coming out to all of us, she noticed it the second they walked into the door together. It took me and Kendall four more weeks till we found out about it. When Katie had broken one of Bitters's vases in the lobby to annoy him, one look from Mama Knight sent the girl into a frustrated confession. So as much as I hated it, the secret about my crush on her son wasn't any exception. I didn't tell her I knew, I didn't want anyone else trying to set me up.

She didn't look like she gave it disproval, actually giving me a sympathetic look whenever Kendall announces that he'll be out late with Jo. But I didn't know if it was because she felt sorry for me or sorry that she didn't knew what team to root for. She liked the idea of me and Kendall together as much as the idea of Jo and Kendall together.

Kendall left the apartment early, saying he was going to get breakfast on the way to Rocque Records and Logan left after a couple of bites of pancakes and bacon. Carlos didn't object, he gave his boyfriend a kiss on the cheek and Logan half-hugged him in return. Yep, still distant. Katie was sitting at the table with us, spoon stirring the bowl of oatmeal lazily. Mama Knight went over and kissed Katie on the forehead.

"I'm going out for a jog, call me if you need to," she said and Katie nodded. She went over and then gave me and Carlos kisses on the top of our heads as well. She always gave us the motherly love we left behind in Minnesota and I smiled at that. She placed the earbuds in her ears and walked out of the door, towel slung over her shoulder. Katie looked at us with tired eyes; she probably didn't get that much sleep after her nightmare.

Nightmares. . .

"Katie," I started out and the girl looked up at me, ". . .did you hear anyone talking last night?"

"You mean the people next door?" she asked. Yeah, the people in 3J are noisy as hell. If it's not yelling, it's laughing and partying. Maybe they were the one's that were laughing. . .

"I mean like. . .did you hear a voice say something to you?" I asked and she tilted her head to the side. She didn't know what I was talking about. She didn't hear the voice.

I didn't know whether to be relieved or even more confused. Why only me and Carlos? What did we do? Carlos jumped out of his seat, looking at me with worried eyes.

"Maybe we should go down to the lobby," he said, eyebrows raised and I understood. I grabbed our plates and put them in the sink, waving goodbye to a now halfway asleep Katie and headed down the hallway, Carlos's fingers shaking with nerves.

The lobby was filled with the usual amount of people on a Saturday morning, half of them talking with each other, another half listening to music, and another half just sitting around bored. No sign of Camille or Jo.

Not that I was really looking for Jo.

Guitar Dude was sitting in the lobby, his feet on the arm on the couch and the instrument cradled in his arms.

"Guitar Dude!" Carlos called out and the guitarist turned, throwing up a peace sign in response, "Did you see Camille anywhere?"

". . .Who?" he asked, taking off his sunglasses to give the confused look in his eyes.

"Camille Roberts? You know, long brown hair, kind of crazy, method actress. . .dated Logan," he added that in with a sigh.

"Sorry dude. I don't know who you're talking about,"

"But she was outside at the pool yesterday listening to you play," Carlos explained and Guitar Dude shrugged. "What about Jo? Did you see Jo?"

"Joe McCoy? Yeah, he's at Palm Woods-"

"No, Jo's a girl. Blonde girl. Kendall's dating her," Carlos replied, looking more upset.

". . .Kendall was dating someone?" he asked and Carlos's eyes widened. He then started to run up to each person, asking them about the two girls and getting the same or similar response.

No one heard or seen a Camille Roberts or Jo Taylor in their entire lives.

Carlos bit his lip in fright and frustration, grabbing my arm and pulling me to the side.

"What's going on? Why don't people know who they are?"

"How should I know?" I shouted back and Carlos's mouth gaped.

"What if Kendall and Logan don't remember who they are?" he asked and I thought.

If Kendall doesn't know who Jo is. . .then I could have a chance.

This is perfect.

Carlos was frowning at me and it took me a while to realize that I was smiling. "This isn't funny, James,"

"I didn't say it was," I was concerned about Camille. But why is he upset? If Logan really _was _cheating with Camille and doesn't even remember the girl, then it'll be like starting with a clean slate. No one to be compared to or anything.

This really _is _perfect. Hope I'm not smiling again. Carlos grabbed at my arm and began to drag me out the door and to Rocque Records.

Gustavo was already in a bad mood when we got to the studio late (and just to be safe we asked Gustavo if he remembered a blonde girl hanging out in the studio or a brunette assisting Katie and Buddha Bob in burying him in quick drying cement. His response was to yell at us to get our tails in the sound booth and stop asking stupid questions), and Kendall was leaning against the wall, tossing the earphones from one hand to the other. Alright James, this is your big moment.

I walked over as casually as possible and leaned on the wall next to him, arms crossed and with a smile.

"So. . .you seen Jo lately?" I asked, admiring my nails for a second and waiting for the answer I was hoping to hear.

"No, I couldn't find her in the lobby. . .and she's not answering her cellphone either," Kendall said sadly.

. . .Damn it. Why does he remember her? He wasn't even supposed to know who she was. He looked at me like he said something wrong (which he did) and scratched the back of his head.

"Why'd you ask? You usually leave the room whenever I talk about Jo. . ." Kendall asked me and I looked at the ground for a second. But before I could answer the question, Carlos came in tugging Logan by the hand.

"He remembers Camille!" the Latino chirped and Logan still had a confused look.

"Of course I remember Camille. It's hard to forget someone that slaps you on a daily basis," Logan said dryly but Carlos was too happy to care. He looked at Kendall.

"Do you remember Camille? Do you remember Jo?" Carlos asked and Kendall cocked his head to the side.

"Uh, yes?" he said and Carlos let go of Logan's hand to jump and hug Kendall. Then he turned to me with a big smile and hugged me as well.

"They remember! We're not alone!" he chirped in my ear and I pushed him off, annoyed. I didn't want Kendall to remember that girl. I wanted a chance with Kendall.

This isn't what I want.

_Then what do you want?_

I made an unintentional high pitched yelp the same moment Carlos jumped and looked around the studio in fright.

"What's with you two?" Logan asked.

"Please tell me you guys can hear that voice!" Carlos shouted and Kendall looked through the glass at the mixing room, expecting to see someone speaking into the mic. Unfortunately, there wasn't.

"No. Guys, what's going on?" Kendall asked and Carlos gripped his head. I first thought it was in frustration but then Carlos fell on his knees, groans coming from his mouth and my eyes widened. No, not him too! What is going on? Logan crouched down beside Carlos and wrapped his arms around the moaning boy, eyes widened with fear.

"Carlos. . .Carlos! Carlos, baby, it'll be alright," Logan said, trying to comfort him. Carlos stopped moaning and he looked into Logan's eyes.

"No it's not. I'm hearing these voices and Camille and, oh god Logan," Carlos cried and Logan pulled him into a tighter embrace, kissing his hair.

"You're probably still shaken up from the nightmare last night. Maybe we should go back and lie down," Logan said softly and Carlos nodded, though I'm not sure if it was because he was agreeing with Logan on the 'nightmare' part or that he was agreeing that yes, _we_ should lie down . Logan helped Carlos up by the hand and swung an arm around the smaller boy's waist, giving one more kiss to his head before leading him out of the studio.

Kendall walked beside me and put a hand on my shoulder.

"James, what's going on?"

"If I knew myself, I would tell you," I said back and the grip on my shoulder tightened.

"What's wrong with Camille?"

". . .She's gone Kendall. And so is Jo," I said blankly and Kendall's eyes widened. I tried to take a step forward but Kendall held me back.

"What do you mean? Where did she go?"

"I don't know, Kendall," I didn't know where the courage came for me to start talking, "and frankly, I don't care where Jo is,"

Kendall spun me around so that way I was looking straight at him.

"What is your problem between you and Jo? I've seen the looks you were giving her,"

"Because it's not fair!"

"What, because I have a girlfriend and you don't? You got to realize James that not everyone wants to sleep with you!" Kendall said sharply and I rolled my eyes. It wasn't fair because I knew Kendall longer than she did. I knew what he liked, what made him laugh. I was there when Kendall won his first hockey game and I was there when Kendall and Katie were getting through the grief of their dad's passing. _It's not fair! _But something else that he said caught my attention. . .

"Is that what you and Jo were doing every Saturday night? Sleeping with each other?" I asked quietly and Kendall frowned, face turning red.

"I think that's between me and Jo what our business is," he snapped back but he didn't look me straight in the eye, basically giving me the answer I dreaded. Okay, now I'm real pissed. That little. . .I wish she was-

_Dead?_

I gulped and turned around to find the voice that sounded so pleased, still finding nothing. Kendall sighed and his hand slid from my shoulder to my face, gently turning my head to face his again. "James, will you please tell me what's going on? I can't help you if you won't tell me,"

Tell him.

Tell him how much you're in love with him.

Tell him how frustrated you are about hearing about that stupid girl.

Tell him how your heart breaks every time you see them kiss.

Tell him how he's driving you insane and all you want to do is just kiss those lips. . .

". . .I can't," I whispered, leaning away from his touch and running out of the studio before he could say anything else.

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><p>Well like I said, this is the third chapter and next chapter I'm working on a twist. Carlos and James aren't going to be the only ones that are affected by the voice. If you want to find out who will be the next person will be, review, review and REVIEW! Criticism is still highly regarded.<p> 


	4. State of Deception

And here's the fourth chapter. And by this chapter, things might start to get a little bit confusing, but will be explained on later chapters. But anyways thank you Evie-Wanna-Be-Famous, CheekyBrunette, Nobody Else Just Me, child who is cool, Slowdownlittlelady and sum1cooler for the reviews, favs, and alerts!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush**

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><p><em><strong>'All cruelty springs from weakness'<strong>_

Carlos wasn't feeling any better. The guilt of what happened to Camille was making him sicker and sicker as time passed. His eyes lost that childlike innocence and happiness and was replaced with fear and sorrow. And because Carlos was sick, Logan was sick. Whenever there was a problem, Logan believed that science or logic or a calculator could fix it.

This was something that couldn't be found in books.

Every time I see him, Logan was hunched over a books dealing with the subconscious mind, analyzing dreams or mental health issues. And after reading each one, he would pull at his hair and groan in distress. Honestly, if the way things are going, Big Time Rush is going to have two members with hair full of gray.

Kendall was avoiding me at the moment, not wanting to start another fight about Jo and not wanting to irritate me with his questions about Jo.

Is that all he could think about? Who cares where she is. And every time I would look over at his sad face, I felt a mixture of annoyance and longing. I could make him happy if he'd let me. If he'd just forget about her.

Logan banged his head on the table for the third time today and I just watched him, his shoulders heaving up and down. I couldn't tell if he was crying, Logan always tried his best to be the strong one, but Kendall would always be the one to calm the nerves. Usually it would be Carlos or me that breaks first and Logan struggling to not let anything get the best of him. He didn't want to admit it, but he was just as afraid of what was going on as we were, even though he didn't hear the voice or have the nightmares.

I walked over and took a seat next to him, hand softly rubbing his arm.

"Hey, it's alright," I said softly and Logan looked up at me, tears threatening to fall out but being held back.

"James, I don't know what's going on. Carlos is sick and I don't know what to do and now Camille disappeared without a trace. . .I'm the worst boyfriend to ever live," he muttered and placed his head back into his arms.

"No, you're not. Carlos is lucky to have you," I replied. The Latino had been telling me that every single day.

"He hates me. He's just too nice to say it," the boy grumbled and I rolled my eyes.

"He's _crazily _in love with you. Stop beating yourself up over something you can't control. Carlos will get better," I replied and Logan sighed. He sat up straight and closed the book in front of him.

"Two weeks from now will be Carlos's birthday," he started and I nodded, not really knowing where this conversation would be going. "And we would have been dating for four months. I wanted to do something special. I saw this silver ring in a shop that you can engrave a message on the day we were out for clothes and I wanted to get it for him, but I didn't have enough money. So when I told Camille what I wanted to do, she said with the role she was going to get, she could loan me the money,"

"So we've been meeting up every now and then to put together a little bank for the ring and she also started talking about me and Carlos going out to dinner and we started setting money aside for a special restaurant. And I didn't want Carlos to ask what me and her were doing, I wanted it to be a surprise. So I tried my best to avoid him. Instead, I only chased him away. I am the worst boyfriend," he finished and I blinked.

Logan wasn't cheating on Camille. He was planning with her. All for Carlos.

"Wow," I said dreamily and Logan sighed again.

"I want to be stronger. I don't want Carlos to be in this pain. I want to be able to do something but I just can't find the answer and it's killing me. I don't want to look weak in Carlos's eyes," he said softly.

"You're not weak, Logan. You're here for him, aren't you? That's all he needs right now,"

". . .I'm going down to the park. I think I just need to think," he said, pushing the books away and grabbing his key, stepping out the door and closing it with a gentle shut. At least someone was concerned about the members of our band, even if it is his own boyfriend. I flipped open one of the books, touching the coarse paper covered with black print talking about eating before sleeping. Hah, Carlos could eat tubs full of food and not suffer a nightmare from it. The door opened once more and Kendall came strolling in, eyes glancing towards me and back. He crashed on the couch and grabbed the remote.

For two minutes the only sound in the apartment was the sound of the commercials on the flat screen. Then Kendall decided to speak up first.

"James,"

"What?"

"Come here," he said, patting the spot next to him and I slowly made my way over to the seat, eying him suspiciously. He turned the t.v. down and focused all attention towards me, green eyes trying to bore a hole though my head.

"I'm not talking about Jo," I quickly stated and Kendall nodded.

"I didn't want to talk to you about that," he said softly and I was getting more paranoid. As much as I loved talking to Kendall that didn't involve Jo, something didn't feel right. He scooted in closer, arm snaking around my waist and my heart started beating quicker.

"Well what do you want to talk about?" I asked, dumbest expression painted on my face. Kendall smiled and gently pushed me down on the couch, climbing on top of me and straddling me. He leaned his head in and whispered in my ear, tone dark and filled with lust.

"Your payment," he whispered and I frowned. Payment for what? I turned to look at his face, only when I was expecting the green eyes, bushy brows and dimples, I found dark brown, thin brows and pale cheeks.

A girl.

A girl who was now smiling down at me with a demonic smile and I screamed. Her eyes widened and the sound froze in my throat. She smiled, red lips gleaming.

"Now then, let's talk about payment," she replied, pulling out a little black book and pen.

"Who are you?" I choked out. My voice came out quieter than I wanted it to; I wanted Carlos to hear me screaming and come running, even if he was a complete mess.

". . .A friend," she said with a bubbly smile and my eyes widened. She was the girl at the lobby. The one that said 'everything will be all right'. Now I was struggling to throw her off of me and at least make a run for it, but she remained in place, the feeling of hands all over my body holding me down.

"I don't know who you are, what you're doing, or why you're doing this, but STOP! Leave me and Carlos alone!" I hissed and she clucked her tongue at me like a scolding mother.

"You shouldn't talk like that to people who only try to help you," she mocked and I growled.

"Help? You call making my friend sick with grief help? And Kendall still remembers Jo and all he thinks about is Jo. And he's breathing down my neck for something that _you _caused!"

"Feisty, aren't you?" she said with a seductive grin and I tried to thrash and kick again, the invisible hands gripping tighter and feeling like they were clawing into my skin. "Your friend's lover is doting on him, isn't he? And that girl is out of your way, isn't she? I want my payment,"

"I won't give you a thing," I gritted through my teeth and her eyes darkened. The hands began to get hot and burn and I screamed again, no sound coming from my mouth. "Stop! You're hurting me!"

"I'm not known for playing fair," she said with a smile and placed a cold hand to my face. "I will get what I want for giving you what you want,"

". . ._You_," that haunting rhyme that voice keeps saying. It was her. She smiled and the hand on my cheek went down to my neck, thin fingers wrapping around and beginning to squeeze.

Then I heard Katie shout.

I blinked.

The girl was gone.

I wasn't even by the couch anymore, I was sitting at the table right before the fake Kendall walked inside, hunched over a book, slight drool on the pages. Was it a dream? This is confusing. But Katie's scream was real and I raced up to her and Mama Knight's room. She was sitting on the bed, sheets clutched in her grasp and I hopped onto the bed, grabbing her face and holding it in my hands.

"Katie, what's wrong?"

"That girl told me to scream. . .well not exactly. More like mimed," she said and my eyes widened. It couldn't have been a dream. Katie could see her too? Oh no.

"Katie, what did she look like?"

"She's right there," Katie said, pointing behind me and I turned, grabbing the small girl and pulling her into my arms for protection.

Only there was just a lamp.

"Katie, no one's there,"

"Yes she is. Are you blind?" she asked me, looking at me like I was the insane one. Why is she saying that? No one is there. It's like Carlos was saying-wait.

"If she's there, then what does she look like?"

". . .She has blonde hair and is wearing a light blue dress," she described, staring at the lamp. Something's going on. Why can Carlos and Katie see this. . .girl and I can't? And better yet, how come she shows up whenever that hellish girl disappears? Katie pushed away from my grip and gave me a look. "She's gone now, you scared her away,"

Damn it. If Katie could see her, she could have communicated with her. Now we're back to square one with me being unsure if any of the stuff on the couch actually happened or not. The door opened once more and I jumped. I grabbed Katie's hand. If it was that little psycho, I'll have an eyewitness. And I don't know why, but Katie's shouts make the dreams stop. That would come in handy.

Kendall was dragging in Logan, who had his arm slung over his shoulder and dragged his feet, head lolled out to the side. Carlos came from his room and his eyes widened at the sight the same time me and Katie rushed over to help the boy along to the couch. Carlos ran and crouched beside his boyfriend, Logan's eyes halfway closed.

"What happened! Is he okay! Kendall!"

"Carlos, don't shout," Logan moaned and Carlos covered his mouth shyly.

"I was down at the park and saw him fell. There was a girl trying to help him up, but she was freaking out too much to really do anything. So I'd say I'll help him and she left," he looked at me and pulled me a little bit farther away from the couple, Carlos running worried hands through the sleeping boy's hair to notice us moving. "Logan's stressed out, I think that's why he fainted,"

That's why he didn't say it over where everyone could hear. The last thing we need is Carlos thinking he was the reason Logan passed out. His grip went from my wrist to intertwine with my fingers and I glanced at him. "James, right now isn't the time to be fighting. And I want to help. Please, just tell me,"

". . .Kendall, there are so many things I want to tell you," I said softly, feeling the eyes of Carlos and Katie on the two of us.

"Like?"

You can do this James. Stop being so scared. "Well, I would want to tell you-"

Logan lurched all of a sudden, emptying all of his stomach contents onto the wooden floor and Katie shouted out "Gross!" while Carlos screamed, being caught off guard.

"I'm sorry," he muttered weakly and Carlos rubbed the boy's shoulder. Kendall was still looking at me, waiting for me to finish my response.

"Yeah, I'm going to go clean that up," I said with a weak smile and Kendall stared at me blankly as I shook away from his grip. He knew that I was hiding something.

After all, since when does James Diamond volunteer to clean up puke?

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><p>Anyways, next chapter is already typed out, just needs to be proofread and see if it needs to be retyped or anything like that. But one things for sure, there is going to be some drama going on. Anyways, submit reviews for the next chapter! And constructive criticism is still great to hear.<p> 


	5. State of Friendship

And now here's the fifth chapter! I was thinking about updating on Friday but this chapter was already finished so I figured I'd just update early. I might make some fans of Logan mad for doing this to him in the chapter, but it's the way the story needs to go. It'll all make sense later in a couple more chapters. Well, thanks to CheekyBrunette, child who is cool, sum1cooler, Nobody Else Just Me, I C a big world and Evie-Wanna-Be-Famous for the reviews! I don't know why, but when I was reading them, I was grinning like an idiot, so thanks. Anyways, enjoy the chapter!

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**

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><p><strong><em>'The worst thing is holding onto someone who doesn't want to be held onto'<em>**

Logan changed. That much was for sure.

Ever since the fainting incident, he stopped looking at the books to find the answer for what Carlos was going through. Instead, he was looking at the girls that walked down the hallways in their short-shorts and bikini tops heading down to the pool. But he would always have a protective arm around Carlos whenever the threat of another person talking to the Latino came up. He stopped wearing short sleeve shirt and opted for long black shirts, even when it was 80 degrees outside.

He didn't hug Carlos. He didn't kiss Carlos unless it was to scare or terrorize potential suitors or old people. And Carlos would often try to hint around to see what his birthday present/anniversary gift was going to be, Logan just nodding his head as more girls walk by. He walked, talked, dressed, and drank like the bad boy Griffin always wanted in the group.

But he wasn't supposed to be bad. He was supposed to be Logan.

Kendall saw the change too. And for the first time, he didn't know how to handle a situation. It wasn't like when we all got the 'fever' and all it took was a quick snow fight to snap out of it. It was something way deeper that Logan wasn't going to tell us, since whenever we do ask him about it he'd always say that 'it's in our heads. I was always like this'. Kendall didn't buy it and neither did I.

Carlos started hanging around me more, talking about playing hockey on the weekends instead of the usual talk about the horrible voice and the disappearances of the two girls. Maybe things could have gone back to normal. Maybe we could have just moved on without Jo or Camille. Start anew just like everyone else had at the Palm Woods, memories fresh and clear of both people. Maybe just try to be happy with what we have.

But we couldn't.

Carlos was staring at Logan talking to a couple of girls, each one of them giggling and smiling and feeling the muscles underneath the black shirt. He turned to face me, trying not to show that he was bothered and failing miserably.

"He doesn't have a right to be doing this," I said and Carlos kept his eyes down.

"Maybe. . .maybe he's just. . .maybe-"

"There isn't an excuse. It's almost your birthday and he hasn't said _one _thing about it," I replied sternly. Then again, he couldn't really do anything about it. After all, the person who was funding for half of the extravaganza disappeared without a trace. Carlos shrugged.

"Maybe he forgot,"

"Carlos, don't try to talk yourself into thinking there isn't a problem. _There is_,"

The girls were now laughing and one of them managed to find her way into Logan's lap, Logan's hand running up and down her leg. Carlos puffed his cheeks in annoyance.

"Fine, I don't know what he's doing or why," he then looked down sadly, "maybe he's tired of taking care of me. I was acting like a baby these past weeks and he just got sick of it. He doesn't want me anymore,"

"Carlos, he still loves you," I stated but still sounded unsure of myself. Logan wasn't showing that he still loved him. And Carlos now looked even more miserable than before. I sighed and took Carlos's hand in mine. "Look at me. . .no matter what happens, we're going to get through this. There might be some bumpy roads up ahead and some things we don't understand right now, but we'll get through this Carlos. You're not alone in this whole. . .crazy nightmare. I'm here with you,"

Carlos smiled. "You sound like Kendall," he said grinning and I rolled my eyes. Kendall was down by the pool as well, eyes closed and lounging on the chair by the area he and Jo used to sit at. I couldn't tell if he was thinking or asleep, but whatever he was doing, his mind was still on that damn girl.

But it wouldn't be if I just told him what I meant to say. You brought it on yourself, James. I sighed and Carlos squeezed my hand.

"Promise if I stop worrying and just focus on making me and Logan work," he began, eyes twinkling, "that you and Kendall give it a shot together,"

". . .Promise," I said quietly and Carlos smiled brighter.

Then that smile disappeared once Logan stormed over to the table, girls watching and snickering from afar.

"What do you two think you're doing?" he sneered and Carlos quickly let go of my hand.

"Nothing!" Carlos shouted, but Logan continued to glare at me.

"I thought you had Kendall to gawk over," Logan said with a dark smirk and I blushed. How did he know? I then shot a glare to Carlos who raised his hands defensively.

"I didn't tell him!"

"Then who did?"

"You better stay away from Carlos," Logan replied, stepping forwards with hands balled into a fist. I stood up in my chair, hands held to my side, curling into fists then uncurling again. I didn't want to hit him over something stupid like this. Carlos jumped between us, gently pushing Logan away.

"He's not doing anything Logie," Carlos pleaded and Logan rolled his eyes at the nickname, pushing Carlos out of the way.

"I want you to stay away from him. You're putting things in his head about stuff being wrong around here when it's not. Trying to screw everything up like always," Logan hissed and my eyes widened. The glint in his eyes was something else. Something not Logan.

Something not even human.

He straightened up his posture. "Talking about things changing. Hah, maybe what we need is a change in the line up. After all, there's a bunch of groups that made it big with just three members," he said with a mocking grin.

So I threw a punch.

He grabbed my fist in midair and twisted it, my arm going behind my back and him pinning me down on the table with Carlos trying to pull him off. "I'm not little weak Logan anymore," Logan whispered in my ears, then kept twisting my arm, trying to break it. Someone stronger than Carlos yanked him off of me and I quickly spun around to see Kendall pushing Logan far off into one of the cabanas beside the pool. Carlos looked at me with a frightened expression and I probably mirrored his look. Something happened to the childhood friend we knew.

Something not natural.

We had our different ways of relieving stress. For Carlos it was eating corn dogs nonstop. For Kendall it was playing hockey. For Logan it used to be reading A Brief History of Time (which wasn't very brief at all).

For me, it was organizing all the Cuda sprays that I owned. And right now, I was grabbing at each and every bottle in the apartment like a madman, trying to keep myself from taking anything of Logan's and just selling it to the crazed fan girls out on the streets looking for memorabilia. I'm putting things in Carlos's head? _That girl _or whatever is putting things in his head. I looked into the mirror at my worn out face. I better not start getting wrinkles over this. I leaned in closer to examine under my eyes for crows feet. Good, none.

"You're so darling when you're vain," a whisper in my ear said and I spun around to see the intruder.

The intruder was the girl.

I screamed again and the sound disappeared.

"Are you honestly going to do that whenever I see you? Stupid boy," she said slyly and I growled, the feeling of hands on my body again restraining me from running. Oh god, someone please come to use the bathroom. She walked slowly around the small space, staring me with dark eyes.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked, voice struggling to get out.

"Doing what? I'm only making you and your friend happy," she replied innocently and my eyebrows furrowed. If this is her making people happy, I'd hate to see what she does to make people sad. She turned to me, red lips curved in a smile. "But out of all my clients, I've never been drawn to anyone like you,"

She stepped in closer to me, the invisible hands tightening around my legs and arms to keep me from hitting her and she placed a cold hand on my face. "What is it about you? Maybe your vanity? Your pride? Or perhaps your envious spirit? Your hateful spirit? Or maybe. . ." She leaned in closer to my face, lips barely kissing my ear, "your lust,"

The voice that whispered that wasn't hers. It was Kendall's.

The half nude body that stood in front of me wasn't hers. It was Kendall's.

The lips that started pressing on mine wasn't Kendall's. It was hers.

But I forgot once I closed my eyes. Kendall's lips gnawed at mine, roughly biting and sucking on the lower lip, hard enough to almost draw some blood. He (or her) pulled away, looking satisfied and me looking down at the tile floor like a fool.

"Or maybe it's because it's so easy to control you and your friends," Kendall's voice said darkly and I shot a look. Friends? Plural?

"What do you mean? _What did you do?_" I shouted and he laughed, the laugh going from Kendall's voice to that sickly bubbly tone and all the colors around me beginning to melt and mix with each other until everything was a blur.

Someone was shaking me. It was Kendall. Or at least, I thought it was.

I wasn't standing up anymore, I was lying down on the tile floor, him crouched beside me and face worried. He sighed once he saw my eyes flutter and smoothed the stray hair strands out of my face, pulling me up into a sitting position.

"Are you okay? I tried to open the door to get some aspirin for Carlos and found you passed out. You're not sick too, are you?" he asked, putting a hand to my head to check if I had a fever. I pushed his hand away and it just went to cup my face. "James, enough. I want the truth, _now_,"

His other hand moved to the other side of my face and gripped it softly, fingers mixing with my hair and gripping the back of my head so I would focus on him and nothing but. How great. Not only am I getting weird dreams, my friend disappearing, my other friend getting sick, my _other _other friend acting like a complete jackass, weird voices in my head and being sexually harassed by a witch that's causing it all, I have to say it to the boy that I love that doesn't love me back.

And risk sounding like a creep and a lunatic at the same time. Kendall looked at me and I couldn't turn my head away to avoid his gaze.

"Kendall. . .I. . ."

"What? You can tell me anything. You know that," he whispered and my heart jumped. I looked at his lips, the lips that were touching mine few moments ago, even if it was a lie. My eyes flickered back and forth between his lips and his eyes.

And I started to lean in closer, Kendall still watching me with curious eyes.

What surprised me was that he started to lean in too, his eyes looking down at my own lips. Lips that desperately wanted to kiss his. My eyes started to close, feeling his breath tickle my nose.

And the heat was gone. My eyes snapped open to see Kendall stare at me, confused and glancing around frightened.

"Oh my god. . ._what are we doing_?" he asked, shaking his head and not even making eye contact with me. He let go of my face and quickly stood up, exiting out of the bathroom and closing the door behind him with a swift shut.

I didn't get back off of the floor. I only lied back down on the cold tile to hold back the sobs coming from my throat.

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><p>Yeah, I'm probably killing you all with the Kames right now and I'm beginning to kill you all with the Cargan. Madness. But, there will be a sort of Kames revelation in the next chapter! Then again, next chapter is when things <strong>really <strong>start to go downhill. I'm just editing it at the moment but who knows, it might be up this week too or at least the beginning of next week. Well, until then, please review!


	6. State of Confessions

And here's the sixth chapter. I updated it faster than I thought I would though and I re-written this chapter a bunch of times trying to get it the way that I wanted, especially with the confession and all. Ah, but you'll read about that later. Anyways, thank you BTRfanatic19, sum1cooler, Mikey-chan11, EvieWannaBeFamous, child who is cool, CheekyBrunette, I C a big world, abby1234, Anonymous Freshman, Soul surfer1, and Nobody Else Just Me for all the alerts, favs, reviews and everything! Well, enjoy the chapter.

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**

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><p><em><strong>'One kiss breaches the distance between friendship and love'<strong>_

He hates me for sure. He thinks I'm the most disgusting scum of the Earth to ever walk the halls of the Palm Woods.

Maybe Logan was right. Maybe Big Time Rush is better with just three people.

Carlos was the first to console me afterwards, as long as Logan didn't see him do it. Logan was becoming a more dominant force around the Palm Woods and at Rocque Records, getting more and more difficult for Kendall to keep watch over. But there was nothing we could do. Logan wouldn't listen to us anymore. We just had to accept that Logan was gone and someone replaced him.

Or at least Carlos had to accept that.

Carlos still loved him, even though this Logan clearly didn't feel the same way. And if it was love, it was a manipulative love of sorts. He was controlling Carlos into doing whatever he wanted. Giving him money, covering for him for not showing up for recordings or sneaking out past curfew, letting him_ hit _Carlos for disobeying his orders. It made me sick. It made me want to throw up when Carlos just put the blame on himself.

But at the same time, Carlos was in good spirits. He had gotten a necklace with in my opinion, an ugly little sphere on the end of it for his birthday (him thinking it was from Logan but honestly, we didn't know where it came from). He said it was his good luck charm; whenever he held it, he said he felt the feelings of love and comfort wash over him.

I held onto the necklace and felt nothing. Just more emptiness and more lonely.

Kendall didn't even look at me. Whenever we were in the same room together, he would awkwardly leave, not even giving an explanation for leaving the room. Carlos just said I needed to give him space, give him time to think. But I didn't want to wait. I couldn't wait. I wanted to know.

I wanted to know if he felt the same way.

He was leaning in too to kiss me. Something was there. There was a spark, I know it. I just know it. But I couldn't even bring myself to look at him or to stop him from walking away to just explain everything. So I found myself just sitting at the table, thinking while Mama Knight washed the dishes. Logan was out doing who knows what, Carlos was with Kendall at the park to just hang out. Or more likely, Carlos trying to pry out the information Kendall was holding in about me.

"James," the woman said, eyes still on the dishwater and I looked over at her. "You shouldn't be hiding your feelings like this, it's not healthy,"

She knew. She always knew. I sighed and propped my chin on my hand. "It's just. . .I messed up. He still loves Jo and I-"

"Jo?" she asked and I mentally kicked myself. That's right, no one remembers who Jo or Camille even are.

"It's no one, really. . .I screwed up, Mrs. Knight. And now he hates me,"

The dishes stopped clanking and she took a seat next to me, looking at me with concerned eyes.

"James, first of all Kendall's been your friend since the two of you knew how to walk. Second, he just needs time to think about it, it doesn't mean that he hates you. Just when there's a time to, take him aside and just tell him how you feel. Or maybe do something to show how you feel, actions speak louder than words after all. Remember when Logan, Carlos, and Kendall sang to that girl they all had a crush on?"

". . .What was her name?" I asked with an eyebrow raised and she opened her mouth to say something before pausing and looking confused.

"Hm, I though I knew it, but I guess I don't. I don't even remember her face. Anyways, don't be afraid of this James. You never know until you try. And I promise you that things will come out okay," she said with a smile and I smiled back at her. Promise. I promised Carlos I would try to give it a shot with Kendall. She finished drying the last dish and placed it in the cupboard. "I'm going out to the supermarket, anything you want me to get?"

". . .Pot pies," I replied and she smiled, grabbing her keys. What can I say? Pot pies were my comfort food like corn dogs were for Carlos. She stepped out the door and I went to the couch, falling back on the cushions and closing my eyes, trying to play out a scenario on how to talk to Kendall.

"_Kendall. . .I really like you. Ever since we got here from Minnesota, I've just been-"_

"_I don't care James. You tried to force yourself on me, who do you think you are? I'll never love you so why don't you go find someone else to be your ass buddy,"_

I woke up with a jolt. Well that didn't go well. Maybe too long winded.

"_I love you Kendall. So, so much. I want us to be more than friends. . .like Logan and Carlos are-"_

"_Wah, wah, wah. Do you think I care? Wow, James, you're pathetic. What makes you even think I could want someone as needy as you when I have a smoking hot blonde waiting for me and good in bed too? Unlike you, Mr. Virgin. Mr. I-can't-keep-a-date. Pathetic loser,"_

"Please don't," I whined in my sleep and I clutched at my chest, breathing deeply. Why can't I do this? Mama Knight said he doesn't hate me. Why can't I just. . .I am pathetic. I sat up and went to the shared bedroom, dragging my feet along the way and determined to just flop on my bed and have a good cry.

Only when I entered the room, Kendall was there with a towel wrapped around his waist and boxers in his hand. I let out a high pitched yelp and he grabbed at his towel to keep it from falling off of his narrow hips.

"What's wrong with you? I just got out of the shower," he questioned and rolled his eyes. "I don't know why you're acting so weird,"

". . .Me acting weird? What, when you've been avoiding me for the past two weeks and not even saying why?" I asked him, even though I fully knew the reason why. The almost kiss that happened was why. Kendall paused and slipped on the boxers while the towel was still wrapped around him, throwing the cream towel off to the side once covered.

"Well sorry, but I have things that I need to do. The whole world doesn't revolve around James Diamond if you didn't know,"

"Things like what? Thinking about Jo? Looking for Jo? Sulking about Jo? SHE'S GONE, KENDALL!"

"And we need to find her! And Camille too! Logan is off doing his own thing when he wants too and Carlos is too emotionally sick to do anything. And you obviously don't care-"

"I DO CARE! You don't think I care about where Camille is? I'm racking my brain over where she is!"

"Yeah you care about Camille, but not Jo,"

"Why should I?"

"Because she's our friend!"

"She's _your _girlfriend. That doesn't mean I need to like her,"

"So what, you just pretend to like her to her face and hate her guts when she's not looking?"

"I never said that," I replied. I show I don't like her to her face too. Kendall stepped closer to me and I could smell the new shampoo he bought. His skin was still a little wet and the sun made the water drops glisten against the pink flesh and I felt my face growing hot. I wanted to stop fighting, I didn't mean to even start. At the moment, all I really wanted to do was stare at him. But Kendall obviously was too stubborn to stop at it now, not when he didn't prove his point.

"Yeah, you just give her nasty looks when she's around and always want to leave whenever I talk about her. What's with you? You're just a spoiled brat that throws hissy fits whenever he doesn't get what he wants!"

"At least I'm not some oblivious eyebrowed jerk that doesn't know when to take a hint!" I shouted back but my heart started to get weak. He thinks I'm a spoiled brat? Kendall rolled his eyes.

"Seriously? Is that the best you can do? Just get out of here, James,"

"No! It's my room too!"

"Then stop yelling! You're giving me a headache!"

"You've been giving me a headache since you wouldn't shut up about Jo!" I shouted back, purposely shouting in his ear. Kendall turned a bright red and puffed his cheeks, the dimples coming out and I bit my lip to keep from smiling. He looked so cute.

"Self absorbed Cuda wearing freak!" Kendall shouted and I puffed my cheeks to mock him.

"Annoying hockey playing Helga Pataki! [1]"

"Narcissistic idiot!"

"Talentless jerk!"

"I hate you!"

"I love you!"

I'm an idiot.

Kendall stopped and blinked and I quickly looked down at the floor, hoping that I might just be swallowed up by it. With all the weird things happening to me, it could be possible.

". . .What did you say?"

"Nothing. It was nothing. I got caught up in the moment. I'm going to leave now," I muttered quickly, turning and trying to escape. Kendall quickly grabbed onto my hand and pulled me far away from the door.

"No. James, did you say-"

"Okay, yeah. I said it. I love you, okay? Do I have to hold up a giant sign like Jo did for you to get it? Or maybe I need to shout it out to everyone in the lobby? Maybe I should just serenade to you like you did for Jo, yeah that's rich. Maybe I'll call Gustavo and tell him the new song for the album called 'I Freaking Love Kendall Knight But He's Too Ignorant and Stubborn to Notice',"

I had NO idea where the anger was coming from, but one things for sure. It felt good to vent. Kendall stared at me, mouth slight curled into a crooked smile and that made me even more pissed. "Now you're laughing? Great. The only thing I wanted since we came out here was for you to like me. And not as friends. Like. . .like you and Jo are. Like Carlos and Logan. . .were. But all you think about is Jo. Jo this. Jo that,"

"She's my girlfriend, James. What do you expect?"

"I just wanted a chance with you. I just wanted to show you that I could be just as good as her. I just. . .I. . ."

I ran out of steam. And Kendall still had that stupid smirk on his face and I just wanted to punch him, push him out of the room, scream out of embarrassment and frustration, maybe cry, then pack up my bags and head down to the nearest airport to fly back to Minnesota. I looked down at his smirking pink lips, my hand snaking to the back of his blonde head and pulling him forwards.

And smashing my own lips against that stupid smile. Actions speak louder than words after all.

His mouth twisted a bit from the surprise, but I had my eyes closed, afraid to see his expression. It was probably surprise that turned to disgust that then turned to rage. I was waiting for him to punch me or shove me or kick me or something. But nothing came. I only felt his hands starting to go through my hair and pull and tug at it in pleasure. His lips were so soft and they moved perfectly against mine, gently biting and sucking and making my lips swollen and red. This was what a real kiss from Kendall was like, nothing like that impostor.

"James," he moaned and I pulled him closer to me, thumbs wrapping around the waistband of his boxers. "James, no, we can't," he breathed and I pulled away, looking down at the floor.

". . .You can't deny that that didn't happen," I said quietly and he looked down at the floor too, blush spreading across his cheeks.

"I-I just. . .I can't do this. Not without knowing where Jo is or if she's safe," he explained and I groaned.

"Her again. Why can't you love me like you love her? Why am I not good enough for you?" I asked and Kendall tilted my head slightly. He hesitated at first before leaning forward and kissing me again. This time it was more gentle and innocent, him gently nibbling on my lower lip and thumb caressing my cheek. He pulled away and the thumb moved from my cheek to my lips, rubbing them softly.

"You are good enough. I just can't be with you right now though. It wouldn't be right,"

"Kendall. . .fine,"

He looked at me sadly.

"James, please don't be mad. Especially with what's happening right now,"

"I'm not mad. Do what you want," I replied with a pout and he sighed. "Just answer me something,"

"What?" he asked and I looked at him straight in the eyes.

"When we were in the bathroom, you were going to kiss me, weren't you?" I asked and he blushed again.

". . .Yeah. I was,"

"Why'd you stop then? Do you love me? Or do you still love Jo?"

"Don't put me on the spot like this,"

"Why not? I told you I love you. I want to know if you love me. Or at least why did you kiss me just now,"

"Because you were pouting and I knew that would make you stop,"

"So that was just a kiss to make me stop acting like a baby. No love at all,"

"I didn't say that,"

"Then do you love me or not?"

"I. . .I'm just confused,"

"So you just kissed me and didn't even know what you were doing?"

"No,"

"THEN WHAT?"

"Stop yelling!"

"Kendall," Katie's voice entered from the doorway and Kendall looked past my shoulder.

"What is it?"

"Kendall, come here quick," her voice replied, sounding afraid. Kendall glanced at me before throwing on some shorts and a shirt, walking to the living room to see what the girl needed. I followed shortly afterwards, feet dragging in annoyance. But when I got there, Katie wasn't anywhere to be found. Only a girl sitting down on the couch with a magazine covering her face.

"Um, who are you and where is my little sister?" Kendall asked.

"She's taking a little nap right now. But I have some business with your friend," she replied and I gulped as she removed the magazine, showing that horrible red smile. "And I'm afraid you're not going anywhere, blondie,"

Kendall looked at me confused, turning his back and jerking his thumb at her.

"James, who is this?" Kendall asked me and I pulled Kendall away by the hand.

"We need to get out of here," I warned with worried eyes

"Not without Katie," he said sternly and I groaned. Please Kendall, now's not the time to be the hero. The girl smiled and stood up, sauntering over to me.

"You're so cute when you're afraid," she said and Kendall pulled me close to him. She didn't like that. At all. She turned to glare at Kendall, eyes looking deadly. "What do you think you're doing? Who do you think you are?" she sneered.

"I'm Kendall Knight. Who are you?" he snapped back and I shuddered. He doesn't even use this tone with Gustavo, perfectly bitchy and rude.

"You're little boy toy has made a deal with me. I intend to get what is owed to me,"

"And what deal did he made with you that's so important?" he asked and she smiled darkly, cocking her head and looking at Kendall with sympathetic eyes.

"Oh, poor stupid boy. You don't even know. He's keeping secrets from you. Secrets about that blonde girl that you love so much," she said and my eyes widened. Kendall turned and looked at me confused.

"James, what is she talking about?"

"Kendall. . .I had a dream about Jo the night Katie had a nightmare. And. . .I don't know, she was in pain and groaning and I couldn't do anything about it and she just disappeared and the next day-"

"Oh please," the girl interrupted, "that's what you wanted,"

"No it wasn't! And what happened to Camille wasn't what Carlos wanted either! Kendall, everything that happened was because of her,"

"James-"

"He wanted you all to himself and he couldn't stand that you were in someone else's arms," she said darkly and then smiled, "she didn't disappear, he killed her,"

"WHAT? SHE'S LYING!" I shouted and Kendall pulled away from me, looking between me and the girl.

"James, what's going on?"

"Kendall, I didn't do anything to Jo, I swear,"

"Enough," the girl spoke and I felt something grab onto my ankle and pull me down to the floor with a thud. Kendall shouted and he was dragged onto the floor too, both of us side by side and squirming around to try and get up, hands grabbing and holding us down.

"Stop! What are you doing?" Kendall shouted.

"Taking what's mine," she replied simply, walking over and crouching down beside me, placing her hands all over my chest.

"Get off of me! Let go! LET GO!" I shouted and my breath hitched in my throat. I heard Kendall screaming and felt my chest grow heavier and heavier.

And everything went black.

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><p><strong>[1] Helga Pataki, otherwise known as the girl on Hey Arnold with the MASSIVE unibrow.<strong>

Anyways, I probably either revived half of the fanbase for this chapter or maybe just killed them again. Or both. Well, I knew that's how the chapter was going to happen. All the rewrites made it sound a **lot **more worse so I guess this is the toned down version. So next chapter will probably answer the major questions such as: Why is Logan acting like a total douche? Where did Camille and Jo go? Who is the mysterious blonde girl that Carlos and Katie could see? Where did Katie go this chapter? Who the heck is this crazy girl that is torturing the boys? But I'm pretty sure the question you all really want is WHAT THE HECK JUST HAPPENED TO JAMES AND KENDALL? Well I'm still writing it at the moment because it's not coming out right, so it might be a while to get it updated. So while I leave you all hanging off a cliff, review, review, REVIEW!**  
><strong>


	7. State of Souls

Okay, this was a difficult chapter to write. Hopefully it's still good though, I rewrote it like five times and almost uploaded the last draft but thought that this was the better retype. Anyways, thanks Anonymous Freshman, child who is cool, suicidalwerewolf, I C a big world, ninja70, CheekyBrunette, Fetish, Sum1cooler, TaylorCammieBell and the Anon for the reviews, favorites and alerts! Anyways, hope you all enjoy this chapter!

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**

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><p><em><strong>'Well, limbo is not a good place to be'<strong>_

It was dark. And cold. And only one sound that I could hear.

Kendall screaming my name over and over again.

I couldn't see him in the darkness and I couldn't tell where his voice was coming from anyways. Where was I? Why was I here? But then I heard another voice, cold and mocking.

"You could have been fun, but you had to go and ruin everything," a voice whispered in my ear and I shuddered as the two pale arms wrapped around me and held me close. What was wrong with girl? Why couldn't she find some other guy to harass? I quickly broke away from her and she stared at me darkly.

"What do you want from me? Where's Kendall?" I questioned and she rolled her eyes.

"That stupid blonde and his rat of a sister are fine. I'd be more concerned about yourself," she said, stepping closer to me and trying to wrap her arms around me again. I pushed her away and she growled in annoyance.

"Look, I want you to stay away from me. I want you to turn everything back to normal and you better keep Kendall and Katie out of your little game," I hissed and she smiled.

"And just what will you do if I should hurt them? Because as soon as I saw that boy," she faked a shudder, "he disgusted me. I want to hurt him out of all of you the most," she said with a smile and my eyes widened. I lunged at her, fist ready to punch her wicked smile off and she disappeared in a flash. She was gone. And I was alone in the darkness. Kendall's voice disappeared.

Why does she want to hurt him? Why Kendall? He didn't do anything to her. Then again, me and Carlos didn't do anything to her and she was still torturing us. But she can't hurt Kendall. She just. . .

Tears began to fall from my eyes and I bit my lip to keep from crying out. She can't. She can't hurt him. No matter if he causes all this pain in my heart. No matter if he doesn't love me back.

She can't hurt him. I still love him.

I felt a hand slide onto my shoulder and I quickly turned to find a blonde girl standing behind me, eyes large and curious. She leaned her hand in and wiped a tear off of my cheek gently, eyes looking sad herself.

"Please don't cry," she said softly and I rubbed away the other tears. She looked around the darkness and closed her eyes. The darkness began to disappear and was replaced with a bright ray of sunlight, large stalks of corn growing from the ground and reaching up to scrape the blue sky. It didn't take me long to realize where we were.

It was the corn field in Minnesota that me and the guys used to play in when we were little. The field that we played hide and seek in and usually ended up ditching Logan because he was too slow to find us. The same field that Carlos first tried out the hockey helmet he carried with him everywhere he went. The same field that Kendall held my hand for the first time (though it was just to pull me along faster, but still). The girl smiled at my amazed face and looked around the field herself.

"I don't know what it is about this place that draws me here, but I feel complete here," she said with a dream felt tone.

"How did we get here? I was in L.A. a few moments ago," I asked and she looked down at the ground.

"You're not in L.A., but you're not here either. We're in a whole different realm. It's like. . .limbo I suppose," she said quietly and I looked down at the ground too to find that we weren't casting any shadows in the bright sun. Limbo. . .is this where she sent Camille and Jo? The blonde girl smiled again and took my hand in hers, the wind beginning to blow slightly and then the cornstalks disappeared, the sky growing less sunny and bright and was replaced by the insides of the apartment. And slumped against the couch with shoulders heaving and cries being muffled by the orange cushions, was Kendall. My heart dropped in my chest and I ran to the blonde crying.

Only to find when I hugged him, my arms went right through him. He didn't even notice me. The girl made a little cough.

"He can't. . .see you. You're like a ghost in his realm," she said quietly and I gazed at him sadly, the sobs not getting any quieter. Carlos came in with a blanket and quickly wrapped Kendall up in the yellow fabric, rubbing his back softly.

"Kendall, everything will be alright. He's here, isn't he? He's not gone like Camille and Jo are," he said, trying to sound strong but I could hear the sadness in his voice. What is he talking about? How am I still here when I'm in their. . .realm? Carlos dipped his head low. "The doctors said he wasn't brain dead, just. . .in a deep sleep,"

"That girl did it. She did that to him. She's the reason that he's plugged up with all those IV's and a tube down his throat to breathe. She-" he bit his lip to hold back another shout of cries, "James is gone. I didn't tell him I loved him. It's all my fault,"

. . .He loves me? He loves me. Kendall Knight loves me.

Carlos glanced at Kendall and his eyes widened in surprise. He turned Kendall over and held him by his shoulders.

"Really! This is perfect! He's been in love with you since we got here!" Carlos spilled.

"Yeah. . .and he kissed me-"

"YOU GUYS KISSED? Man, why didn't he tell me! Was it good? Was it everything you dreamed of? . . .You did like it, right?"

Kendall smiled a bit. "Yeah, he kissed me. And it was great. Just. . .I can't go on with him just yet. Not without Jo being safe, it just wouldn't be right for me to forget about her. I love James. I love him a lot. And I. . .oh god. He's going to die if we don't do something soon," Kendall cried again and Carlos pulled him into a hug.

. . .Deep sleep. Is that why I'm here? But I guess I don't have too long to live if I am in a coma. Or brain dead. The girl's words flickered in my ear. 'I want to hurt him out of all of you the most'. She's hurting him and using me to do it. That bitch. The door swung open and in walked in Logan, looking at Carlos with dark eyes.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Logan hissed and Kendall quickly jumped in front of Carlos to protect him from Logan's wrath.

"He's not doing anything. Leave him alone," Kendall said sternly and Logan stomped over to the couch, grabbing Carlos by the wrist and twisting it. Carlos let out a yelp of pain and Kendall tried to pull Carlos away. I tried to jump in to help but the girl pulled me back. She looked at me with worried eyes.

"We need to leave," she whispered, looking at Logan who was now threatening Carlos if he should ever go back to the hospital I was staying at, he would be going there with a broken arm. How could he even talk to him like this? The girl began to pull me away and the apartment began to disappear, the sounds of Logan and Kendall screaming fading away and being replaced with the sounds of laughter.

Laughter of girls.

The laughter grew louder and louder and soon me and the blonde girl were standing on a sandy white beach, the ocean calmly coming onto the sand and the sky smelling that salty sea air. I turned to look at the girl for an explanation only to find that she disappeared.

It must have been the girl that Carlos and Katie seen. But why didn't Carlos see her when we were in the apartment that moment before? And better yet, why is she always leaving? But before I could think about anything else, I felt two arms wrap around me and a head lovingly nuzzling into my back.

"James. . .please tell me you're not here too," a voice cried into my back and I closed my eyes.

Camille.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry that this happened," I said quietly and Camille turned me around and smiled at me with sad eyes.

"Don't worry, we'll get through this. Someone will help us. We still have Carlos and Kendall," she said happily and I raised an eyebrow.

"You forgot Logan," I said. Then again, I doubt he even cares anymore about what happened to Camille and Jo.

Jo.

Jo is going to have a big surprise when she gets back. Kendall loves me. He said he loves me. But then again, what would happen if she came back? Will everything go back to normal? Will he just forget about my feelings for him?

Would he even acknowledge me anymore?

Camille glanced at me and then twiddled her fingers.

"Yeah. . .about Logan-"

"James?" a familiar voice asked and I turned. My eyes widened as I stared at the person standing in front of me, mouth hung open slightly.

". . .Logan?"

Logan smiled sadly. "I'm sorry, James. She got me,"

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><p>Yep, this chapter may have answered some questions and in turn might have made more questions come up. I know I haven't answered some of the questions I was talking about in the last chapter. The blonde girl is all a part of a major arc that I don't want to reveal all at once, but the cornfield is an important piece in the story, that's for sure. In fact, there are a lot of things that may have appeared minor in the story that will become important later on. Anyways, at least the Logan issue will definitely be fully addressed next chapter. You just got something to hold onto for the moment. Anyways, review, review, review!<p> 


	8. State of Hurt

Well, I update fast. I can't help it. And this chapter is totally Cargan. . .though not in a good way. Oh definitely not in a good way. Don't hate me. It has to be done. Anyways, thanks yalegirl19002, child who is cool, CheekyBrunette, sum1cooler, Magiccatprinces, Anonymous Freshman, EvieWannaBeFamous, TurnUpTheBassAndTreble, ninja70 and Nobody Else Just Me for all the reviews, favs and alerts! Hope you all enjoy the chapter. . .though I doubt you will.

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**

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><p><em><strong>'The greater your capacity to love, the greater your capacity to feel the pain'<strong>_

The blonde girl was lying in the field, eyes closed to the bright sun as the cornstalks swayed back and forth in the gentle breeze. Logan pulled me along, whisking me back to the fields to talk to me without the wandering eyes of Camille watching us. The blonde girl stirred in her slumber and turned at the noise of our feet crunching through the grass. She smiled at Logan.

"Hello. You found him," she said softly and Logan nodded.

"Yeah. He's a friend. We'll be in the fields Holly. . .so wait out here,"

She sat up with a pout on her lips. "Why can't I go into the corn field? No one wants me to go, it's not fair,"

Logan stared at the pouting girl and sighed. "It's. . .just don't go in too deep,"

She smiled and continued to lie in the grass, eyes watching the cloudless sky as Logan pulled me into the corn fields. We walked for a long while, getting deeper and deeper and only the cornstalks surrounding us, Logan's cold hand gently pulling me along.

Cold. Camille felt cold when she hugged me. And both of them were paler than usual, eyes hooded and dark. But why? That girl-Holly. Holly didn't look like that. I didn't look like that. . .at least I didn't think I did. I haven't seen a mirror since I've been here. Logan stopped in an area where the soil was dark and rich, as if someone had freshly uprooted the earth and held me back a little ways.

"Don't step any closer," he warned and I raised an eyebrow. He was looking down at the ground, studying it and I looked down to see what he was staring at. One thing was for sure.

Something was buried underneath the soil. And not very well either.

Logan shook his head and sighed, facing me. "So, let me explain-"

"Explain what? The fact that there's some imposter running around the Palm Woods abusing Carlos? Or that now another friend is stuck here to and we don't know how to get out?" I asked, eyes still staring at the ground. What was buried under there? I couldn't see an outline of the object, but it was big.

". . .I was afraid. Carlos was so sick and I just didn't know what to do. And then. . .that girl came along. She said she would help me. She _promised _that she'd make me stronger. For Carlos. Carlos will be alright. But. . ."

"She lied to you. She lied to me. She lied to Carlos," I said and Logan looked at me.

"But why? Why is she doing this? Why does she have that. . ._thing _hurting Carlos? It wasn't what I wanted. And now. . ." he bit his lip and looked down, "Carlos is in pain. He's barely eating. He's not getting enough hours of sleep. He cries in his bed until he wears himself out. . . it hurts. It hurts so much, James,"

I sighed and pulled the boy into a hug. This was the real Logan. The Logan that was madly in love with Carlos. The Logan that would do anything for Carlos. The Logan that needed to get back to Carlos soon. My eyes flickered back down to the ground as a slight breeze blew the dirt around and Logan pushed me back quickly.

"Don't scream," he stated and I pushed him back.

"What's with you? Why would I. . .oh my god,"

It was a hand. A hand that was lightly grasped sticking out of the ground, red blood covering the forearm and down. Logan held me back to keep me from running, screaming, freaking out in general. He glanced down at the bloodied arm and the wind began to blow harder, blowing away the dirt to reveal a head, a torso dressed in a plaid ruffle dress that looked like it came from the 60s, another arm, two long legs with toes curled.

A girl.

Holly.

I stared at the body, then glanced back over my shoulder to where we last saw the blonde girl. How could this be her? She was alright, wasn't she? She wasn't covered in blood. She wasn't. . .dead.

"Remember, this place isn't real. It's just some weird realm that shows us the other side,"he explained. Like when we saw Kendall and Carlos and we weren't really there. Like we're seeing Holly's body. . .and not being in the cornfield.

". . .But she's-"

"You don't have to have a body to be here. You just need a soul," Logan replied. That's right. My body isn't here, my body is in a hospital bed and trying to survive. But the others. . .their bodies weren't anywhere in the real world. . .is that why they look so sick? Because they were brought along with their bodies? "She doesn't know she can see her body here. . .she doesn't know that on the other side, she's dead. Her body is strange actually. We can't have physical contact with anyone on the other side," he bent down and began to scoop dirt back onto the corpse, "but we can touch her. I don't know if it's because she's dead. . .this entire situation is confusing,"

Logan stopped talking to stare at the body once more before covering it up with dirt again, standing up and staring down at it again.

". . .Who did this to her?" I asked quietly, though my mind went straight to that other girl. The girl who sent us all here and hurt us. But then again, she wouldn't need to have killed her. Holly was trapped here along with us. But then my mind flickered again.

Is she planning on killing me when she's done with Kendall? I shuddered and Logan cocked his head.

"Judging by her clothes, I'd say she was killed a long time ago," Logan said. "As to who did this. . .I don't know. Just don't tell Holly about this. . .she still has hope she can leave,"

"And you don't?" I asked as we began to walk towards the outskirts of the fields.

"James, look. We tried and tried and we failed. We lost. We don't know how to get out of here and we don't know how to get any help. And even if we do manage to escape, then what would happen? What are we going to do about the girl and that imposter?"

"So you're telling me you guys gave up. You gave up even though you know Carlos was being hurt. Was being _hit_,"

"Don't talk like I don't care about him," Logan said sternly and I rolled my eyes.

"He never thought you were weak, Logan. But now you're acting like it. You're the smart one, you're supposed to always have a plan-"

"I'M NOT KENDALL!" Logan shouted and he fell onto the ground onto his knees, gripping the soil. "I'm not Kendall. . .I'm not strong. I can't handle all of this pressure, I just can't,"

The hopelessness and sorrow he was holding in was let out in the desperate sobs. Sobs he's been holding in for so long. His shoulders heaved and the soil slid through his fingers, blackening his hands. Logan looked up at me, eyes red from crying and I sighed, bending down onto the ground with him.

"Logan. . .you don't have to be leader like Kendall. You just need to be you. That's all we ever asked for. Not everyone's perfect, okay? We love you for who you are, insecurities and strengths," I said gently and Logan sniffled, looking up ahead. The wind blew softly once more and we were back in the apartment, sitting on the wood floor of the kitchen. Logan breathed in a deep sigh and glanced at the couch to where Katie was sleeping, book open and hanging in her hand.

Thank god she was alright. But she didn't look any better. In fact, she looked the same way she did when she had the nightmare the first night. And I couldn't help but feel that that girl could have done something to her. She turned in her sleep and the book slipped out of her fingers, falling on the floor with a thud. Logan stared at the book and rolled his eyes.

"I read that book over twelve times. There's nothing that was helpful. Just a stupid necklace and a ring that came as a free gift," he said. Necklace. . .

"Did this necklace had some ugly little red orb on it?" I asked and Logan looked at me.

"Yeah. Why?"

"Because Carlos found it. He was always talking about how whenever he held it, he felt love and comfort," I explained and Logan blushed red.

". . .Oh Carlos," he said and hugged his knees close to his chest, "I want to help him. . .sometimes when he is crying in the bed. . .I hug him. I tell him everything that I want to tell him. And sometimes. . .it feels like he can hear me. Like he knows I'm there. But. . .he can't see me,"

. . .If Carlos could hear Logan, then this could be helpful. Another breeze blew and we were sitting in Carlos and Logan's bedroom. Carlos was lying on the bed, eyes staring up at the ceiling and necklace twirling in his fingers. Logan's eyes popped and I couldn't tell what for until a few seconds later.

On the Latino's cheek was a dark bruise that stood out against his tanned skin. A bruise that looked like it could only be achieved by a punch. Must have been the work of the fake Logan. And so the real Logan let out a shrill cry, running over to his boyfriend and trying to hold his face and kiss the bruise away.

And failing miserably.

Logan ended up sitting near the bed, Carlos not even noticing the poor soul's existence. Carlos began to hum a sad tune and it took me a while to realize what it was as the lyrics began to come in slow and quiet.

"Don't hurt me, desert me, don't give up on me. . .don't use me, take advantage of me. . .make me sorry I ever counted on you," Carlos barely whispered and Logan tried to hold his hand, it just phasing through Carlos's clenched one.

"Carlos. . .I love you. I love you so much, please. Please don't be like this. I won't leave you. I won't ever hurt you. I'd hurt myself before I'd hurt you. Carlos, baby, I love you. I'll always love you. Just. . .hold on. I'm coming back. . .I promise," Logan whispered and I saw Carlos's lips curve into a sad smile.

"Logie. . ." he said softly and my eyes widened. Carlos _did _hear him. I walked over to the side of the bed too and knelt beside Logan.

"Carlos. . .can you hear us? Can you hear Logan? Can you hear me?" I asked softly and Carlos closed his eyes, eyebrows furrowing and trying to think.

". . .James," he said softly, the necklace beginning to glow a soft yellow color and I stared at it. That stupid necklace is like some telephone or something. Never have I felt such appreciation for an ugly accessory in my life. The Latino shifted a bit and slowly began to breathe, trying to focus on our voices.

Then loud knocking came at the door, screaming on the other side.

"What are you doing in there! You stupid baby, GET OUT NOW!" Logan's voice shouted on the other side of the door and Carlos shot up from the bed, eyes wide and scared and holding the necklace close to his heart. The door slammed open and in stomped the fake Logan, eyes shinning dark.

"Please Logie, don't," Carlos begged and the fake Logan growled.

"I told you to stop calling me that! You stupid-" he didn't finish his sentence, he already pounced on Carlos and Logan jumped up from the side of the bed, screaming.

"Get off of him! Get off of him!" Logan shouted, but the two didn't hear his screams. Only Carlos's screams filled the room that was able to be heard.

"Logan, please don't! Stop!" Carlos shouted and the fake Logan pinned his arms down and straddled his waist, smiling darkly.

"Why should I? Don't you want my love?" he asked and the real Logan's eyes widened with fury and fear, shaking his head. Carlos didn't know whether to shake his head yes or no, so he looked up at the face above him in fright. The fake Logan smiled darkly and placed his hands on Carlos's chest, ripping the gray shirt that Carlos wore completely off and my eyes widened as well, realizing what was happening. Carlos began to whimper.

"Please Logie, I don't-"

"Logie again, is it?" the fake Logan asked and raised his hand, giving Carlos a slap on the still bruised cheek and Carlos cried out in pain. "And if you don't want another bruise, you'll do what I say, got it?"

". . .Okay," Carlos said in a weak cry and Logan tried to pull Carlos, tried to pull Carlos away from the danger that was going to happen. I kept glancing at the door, hoping that Kendall, Mama Knight, even Katie would come and discover the scene and stop it. Help. We needed help. Someone grabbed at my wrist and at Logan's too and pulled us away, the scene of the two people on the bed disappearing and being replaced with the cornfields again.

Holly let go of our wrist and went to sit down in the grass as I turned to look at her, mixture of anger and annoyance in my face.

"What do you think you're doing! We need to help him! He's going to get raped if we don't!" I shouted at the strangely calm girl. She looked up at me with sad brown eyes.

"You can't. You're just a ghost in their realm. No matter how hard you want to help him. . .you just can't," she said and went back to lying in the grass. I pulled her up and grabbed her shoulders.

"He heard us. He can hear us. We need to help him. . .please. We need to help him," I begged and Holly stared at me blankly.

". . .I'm sorry," she said quietly and went to lie back in the fields.

It was left at that. And when we went back to the apartment a few moments later, hoping that Carlos was saved, that Carlos was still clothed, that Carlos was sleeping calmly, anything, Carlos was lying in the bed alone. It was dark.

But we could still see the bloodied sheets and sweat covered body covered in bruises and hear the cries from the boy. Logan said nothing, just watched in pain. He turned to me as the room faded away and we were standing in an open meadow, the daisies growing and wilting.

"We need to get back," he said, face contorting and filled with rage. "No one hurts him,"

No one.

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><p>Yah, and just so you guys are prepared, next chapter is totally angsty. Heck, I didn't even intend for this story to be so dramatic and dark. But things will get better. Next chapter might be morbid, but the chapter after that will end on a nice note. And it can only go uphill from there. I don't know. My mind is floating around on the Kames thing. Half of me wants to make it more dramatic in a way. The other half wants to write a tasteful. . .scene. But it would probably be inappropriate at the moment in time. Ah well, whatever happens happens. Anyways, review, review, review! Next chapter is already typed, just needs to be looked over :)<p> 


	9. State of Despair

Here's the next chapter, guys! I'm going to be alternating between this story and my other BTR story, so it might be taking some time before this gets another update, but I'm sure it will be quick. I just need to look it over. Well, this chapter is angsty. You have been warned. Anyways, thanks Unpredictably Reckless, Michelle550, samantha-cullen0320, sum1cooler, ninja70, Magiccatprincess, TurnUpTheBassAndTreble, Nobody Else Just Me, EvieWannaBeFamous, Anonymous Freshman and CheekyBrunette for the reviews, fav and alerts! Hope you all enjoy it!

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**

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><p><em><strong>'Stop the world. I want to get off'<strong>_

Kendall slept in my bed from time to time, waking up in the middle of the night and walking over to the empty mattress and lying in it. There wasn't much to do in this realm, or limbo, I wasn't really sure. I haven't seen anyone other than the usual four people that I see. And whenever Logan would whisk himself away to plan an escape and Camille will go off with Jo to do whatever they could or Holly with her usual sleeping in the sun, I would sit in the apartment and watch the other side.

Watch life move on without me.

Carlos was sick. He was mentally sick. Emotionally sick. Physically sick. Any sick you want, he was. He tried his best to cover up the bruises from Mama Knight and didn't mention to anyone about the rape that occurred, which made me furious. Why was he trying so hard to protect that Logan? That Logan that disrespects him and hurts him and rapes him. But maybe what they say is true.

Love makes you stupid.

Carlos was lying in his bed the moment I was sitting in the room, not speaking to him even though I should be trying to make contact. His eyes were heavy and even though they were closed, the pupils must have been dark and dilated. Kendall had gone off to the hospital to visit my body like he always did and Katie went with him. The phone rang and Carlos shifted over in his bed to pick up the cell phone buzzing on his nightstand, flipping it open swiftly.

"Hello? . . .No, Logan. . .I'm not at the hospital, I promise," Carlos answered the phone and I rolled my eyes. Why is this Logan so concerned about Carlos's relationship with me? Or with anyone for that matter. Carlos listened to the conversation in silence, eyes fluttering and tears already beginning to leak out. He closed the phone and placed it back on the stand, breath coming out in shudders. He sat up in the bed and looked around the room sadly, grabbing a piece of paper and pencil and writing out something, lips curling and twisting. I walked over and leaned over to read what the Latino was writing, him not noticing my presence still. But why? If he was able to see Holly, why can't he see me? Then again, she was dead. Maybe she has some power that allows people to see her. My eyes scanned over the badly written note being soaked in tears, trying to read his handwriting.

". . .'Kendall, I'm sorry I did this. I know you'll hate me for this. I'm sorry I gave up. This whole entire thing was my fault. It's my fault Camille's gone. It's my fault that Logie hates me. Don't tell him about this. . .I don't want him to get more angry. I love you guys so much. . .and I hope James comes back to help you guys. Tell him I love him when he wakes up. . .and I'm sorry that I had to go. Keep moving forward, you guys. I hope you all are happy'. . ."

Oh god. This is a suicide note.

I quickly tried to grab onto Carlos but I phased through him again. It didn't stop me. I wasn't going to let him do this.

"Carlos! Carlos, please don't do this!" I shouted and Carlos began to fold the note up, eyes blank and empty. Please don't do this. Please don't. Logan loves you. I love you. Kendall loves you.

Please don't go. Please don't kill yourself.

"Carlos? Are you in your room?" Mama Knight's voice rang through and I sighed a breath of relief the same time Carlos jumped in surprise, shoving the note in his pocket.

"Y-Yeah, I'm coming down," he stuttered out and left the room quickly. I looked at the closed door and groaned. Things got a lot difficult.

I didn't tell Logan about the suicide note Carlos wrote, not trying to put anymore pressure and worry on the teen already. But at the same time, Logan was noticing Carlos's depressed state. We needed to talk to him. Tell him that everything was going to be alright. But he hadn't grabbed hold of the necklace ever since that traumatic night.

Kendall was thankfully taking Carlos with him on the trips to the hospital, even though the other Logan was clearly against it. And every time the other Logan came around, eyes brooding and dark, Kendall would always make sure that he wasn't too far away to come to Carlos's rescue should he need it.

But he wasn't there to rescue him that night. The night Carlos needed to be saved the most.

Carlos didn't make any ideas on when he was going to kill himself, or exactly how. He probably didn't even know the ways to kill yourself. Thank goodness for his childlike ignorance and innocence. But that didn't stop him from thinking about it when everyone else was gone. He couldn't get a hold of a gun, so shooting was out. The ceilings were too high for him to hang himself. The apartment wasn't too high for him to jump. He didn't have enough privacy to drown himself in the Palm Woods pool.

But I wished he would stop. I wish someone found the note and figured everything out and tried to help him. I needed to help him. But I couldn't.

"Do you ever leave this place?" I asked Holly one day. She turned over in the grass to look at me with bright brown eyes. "Don't you have someone that you want to see?"

I bit my lip. Of course she doesn't. Everyone she knew is probably an old person or dead just like her. She yawned.

"I have a big brother. I would like to see him. . .but I don't know where he is or what he looks like. . .I don't even remember his name," she said sadly and I glanced down at the sun kissed grass she rolled around in. Her curious eyes stared at me once more and I couldn't help but think about Katie. How Katie's eyes always looked when she placed that sad child face on to manipulate the adults with her pout. "Is your friend okay? The one on the other side?"

"Kendall? Or Carlos?"

"Which one wants to die?" she asked and I shuddered.

". . .Yeah, that's Carlos," I said sadly and she looked at me.

"You need to watch out for him," she said quietly, "because when you're at your weakest moment and desperate for anything, that girl comes for you,"

I forgot all about that other girl. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized Holly was right. She came when I was desperate for Kendall. She came when Carlos was desperate for Logan. She came when Logan was desperate for Carlos's health.

Would she come if Carlos was desperate to die? More importantly, would she grant him that wish?

I didn't wait for Holly to say anything else, I already whisked myself away to the apartment, trying to find Carlos. Only finding not a single body in sight. I bit my lip and searched the room, trying to hear a sound until I heard a thud from the bathroom and I quickly moved to the room. Carlos was slumped against the door, fingers delicately holding a razor blade.

Slit his wrists and bleed to death. Messy.

Carlos stared at the blade and twirled it in his fingers some more, hopefully thinking this entire thing through and then deciding that the whole entire thing was stupid and that he should go out and buy a puppy or something. Do anything. Just put the blade down. I crouched down and tried to hold his hand, still going through.

"Carlos, don't do this. Carlos, please," I begged and he raised the razor to his wrist, the tip barely touching the tanned flesh and my eyes widened. I didn't know how I did it, or how it was possible.

But I grabbed his hand and flung the blade out of his grasp myself.

His eyes widened and he stared at the wrist that was being gripped, then over to the razor on the tile floor. He then looked into my direction, eyes filled with tears.

". . .James," he whispered and my eyes widened. He can see me. He sees me. I grabbed his head and pulled it into my chest, hugging and squeezing him with all my might. His body was limp and I could hear his sobs and cries but not feel the wetness of his tears. I pulled away and he looked at me again, lips curved in a sad smile.

"Carlos, please. Everything will be alright. Everyone's okay. Logan's here, Logan loves you. Logan loves you so much, Carlos. Please don't hurt yourself, _please,_"

Carlos looked at me confused and I sighed. Of course, he can't hear me. Not without that necklace. I tried to grasp his wrist gently and find that I couldn't lift it. The physical touch was gone and now my hand phased through his like it did before. But Carlos still had his eyes locked onto me, so at least he didn't lose his sight. I stood up and walked out the door, Carlos trotting behind me, eyes getting lighter and happier.

Hopeful.

Maybe this was how Holly got Katie into screaming to save me from that other girl. Once Carlos gets the necklace, we can talk. I could get Logan. Logan could comfort him. Carlos will get better. We'd have Kendall and Katie to tell. We could escape and be together again. But then I heard a dark laugh and Carlos's eyes widened in fright.

The fake Logan was sitting on the orange couch, necklace held tight in his fist. He was staring at me. Dead straight at me with a cold and demonic glare, eyes beginning to red.

"Well, well," he said darkly and Carlos got behind me, "looks like she was wrong. I'll have to deal with you myself,"

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><p>Confrontation! Ha, well it was going to boil down to this eventually. I probably won't bring this up in later chapters on how Carlos's ability to see James suddenly happens so I'll explain it here:<p>

James's will to help his friend even though he was stuck in another realm was strong enough to temporarily allow minor contact with the body. Just as how James was always shaken out of the dream sequences with the girl by Katie's screams, the will to help someone in need. And Carlos was at the moment hopeless and in despair, his mind clouded and deep in trance to not notice any of the lost souls around him. But through James's contact and by seeing James was still healthy (though in another realm), he regained the ability to see.

If that makes sense. If not, I'll try to explain more later. Anyways, hope you all enjoyed the chapter and review!


	10. State of Love

And here's the next chapter! Well, I think we're getting down to the climax of the story and also this chapter ends in a good light for the Cargan at least. Not so much with the Kames. . .still have some drama going on. But that's later on. Anyways, thanks cookielover101, Gotta Live it Big Time, Nobody Else Just Me, N.E.P. tunes. out, Sum1cooler, CheekyBrunette and comics lover for the reviews, favs and alerts. Hope you all enjoy!

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR or Sonnet 43 by Elizabeth Barret Browning  
><strong>

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><p><em><strong>'How do I love thee?'<strong>_

I stared at the other Logan, watching his movements closely. He glanced up and down my body, eyes flickering over to Carlos and back to me.

"What do you want?" I asked and the other Logan rolled his eyes.

"Isn't it obvious? I'm here because that little idiot was too weak and helpless and succumbed to my mistress's power," he said and I growled. So that girl was the reason behind the fake Logan too. Carlos tried to grab my hand and instead just held the air.

"What's going on? That's not-"

"Oh Carlos," the fake Logan said sweetly. God, he even has the girl's bipolar personality, "you're sick, darling. You're hallucinating, you should lie down,"

"Hallucinating?" Carlos asked and I felt his eyes lighten off of me and onto the other person in the room. The other Logan smiled darkly.

"That's right. Don't you remember? James is still in the hospital with a tube down his throat and in a coma. Though he could die any second if things keep going the way they are,"

". . .Die?" Carlos repeated and I felt something clutching in my chest, the vision of the cornfields appearing in the distance. No, I can't leave Carlos. I need to stay here. The fake Logan frowned, stepping forward with a deadly expression and I felt the crisp grass underneath my feet instead of the hardwood floor. It felt like a tug of war, me being pulled between the apartment and the cornfields, with whatever that was pulling me and winning on the other side. I need to protect Carlos. I can't leave.

Then I heard someone shout out. And two Logans were in my vision instead.

Carlos's eyes widened in shock as he stared between the two boys, one looking deadly and the other pretty much mirroring the expression.

". . .Logie?" Carlos asked and the real Logan turned, eyes growing soft. He opened his mouth and no sound came out for Carlos to hear. The fake Logan still had the necklace gripped in his fist.

"He can't hear you. You're nothing but a ghost. You don't exist anymore," he said with a growl and Logan growled right back. Carlos looked at me, unsure of what to do. I knew who the real Logan was, but what would happen?

Will the phony disappear? Or just exact a wrath on all of us?

Plus, something was off about him. He had some kind of control, whether it was powered by that girl or some other power to send me away. If anyone has to prove that he was the real Logan, it had to be the real Logan. So I was looking at Logan with the same helpless expression as Carlos. Logan looked at his doppelganger and then glanced at the pile of thrown around books on the floor. He walked over to one and tried to pick up a red book, not being able to grasp the solid object.

Carlos went over and picked up the book himself, eyes never leaving the Logan that was smiling at him lovingly. Logan held up his hands, signaling a '5' then a '2' then a '6'. Carlos nodded, flipping to the page that Logan said and studied the contents, eyes widening then growing soft.

"'How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love you to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach, when feeling out of sight for the ends of being and ideal grace. I love thee to the level of everyday's most quiet need, by sun and by candle-light. I love thee freely, as men strive for right. I love thee purely as they turn away from praise. I love thee with a passion put to use in my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose with my lost saints, I love thee with the breadth, smiles, tears, of all my life – and if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death,'" Carlos recited the poem, tears welling up once again. It felt like all he did was cry now.

Logan nodded and closed his eyes. The fake Logan laughed.

"And what does that stupid poem have anything to do with this?" he asked and Carlos looked at him, eyes angry.

"That was the same poem that Logan read to me when he told me he loved me. . .when we had our first kiss," he said softly and then glared at the fake Logan, who looked around the room trapped. He was found out as the rat he was. "You. . .YOU MONSTER! You hurt my friends, you disrespected James. . .you raped me,"

Logan shuddered at that and he glared at the fake Logan. Carlos shuddered a breath. "And you're not the Logan that I love. Your a phony. You're something that tried to take his place, to be something that he wasn't. A power hungry jerk that hurts people. Well in my eyes, your a disgusting, weak asshole. And I'm calling the cops," Carlos hissed darkly and the fake Logan's eyes widened. He hunched over and began to cough, Logan trying to pull Carlos away from him and looking down at him confused.

"I failed. . .Mistress's contract. . ." the fake Logan mumbled and coughed more, this time blood beginning to leak from his mouth. Contract? Then it hit me. Logan wanted Carlos to not think he was weak. So the fake Logan took over and got Carlos's mind distracted.

Until Carlos stated that the fake was the weak one. And the deal backfired.

The fake Logan glared at me darkly. "You'll. . .be. . .dead. Just like that dumb girl. Just like that blonde boy toy of yours. I'll make sure of it," he hissed and my eyes widened. The fake disappeared with a dark laugh and I heard a thud from behind me. Logan was on the floor, passed out and Carlos screamed, bending down to check the boy. Carlos grazed a hand over his cheek and his eyes widened, he looked up at me.

"I can touch him. He's here. He's here!" Carlos chirped in happiness and he jumped up to hug me. But instead, he just ran right through me. Just because Logan was able to come back, didn't mean that there was a way for me to come back. I didn't even know why I was here in the first place. Carlos looked at me confused before shaking his head and he began to search the floor for the necklace, only finding nothing, just the few drops of blood that came from the fake Logan's mouth.

Bastard. He took it with him. That was our only way to communicate. And Carlos knew it. He looked at me sadly and I nodded slowly, motioning over to the still passed out Logan. Carlos's eyes widened and he pulled Logan up to his feet, Logan slumping over him and cheeks slowly regaining its color.

"Carlos. . ." he mumbled and Carlos shushed him.

"You need rest. Don't say anything,"

". . .I love you. So much. Don't ever forget that," Logan whispered and Carlos blushed, pausing in walking the boy over to the couch. That probably the first time in a long time Carlos heard that. And he took in a deep breath, placing a kiss to Logan's cheek.

"I love you too, Logie," he said with a smile and Logan weakly smiled back, shuffling over and collapsing on the couch and falling into a deep slumber. He was back. Now it was just me, Camille and Jo that needed to return too. The cornfields came into vision once again and the sun beamed down once more as I looked around. Holly was still lying in the grass, her eyes staring at me.

"He's gone?" she asked and I glanced at the ground. "Why didn't he take you? Or the girls?"

"It's not that simple," I replied, though I wish it was. "He was able to go back because that girl's little deal backfired on her. I don't know how to get back. And I don't know how to get Camille and Jo back either,"

". . .Do you know how I can get back?" she asked me and I gulped.

". . .How did you get here?"

"I don't know. The last thing I remember was that it was very dark and I was outside. And then I was here," she said simply, cocking her head to the side. "Does it have anything to do with leaving?"

I hope my memories won't disappear like hers did. She shrugged and went back to lie down. "Fine then, I'll wait til you find something else out. . .by the way, that blonde girl was looking for you,"

Jo? What does she want? I rolled my eyes and closed them, trying to focus on where the other girl was as the wind blew and the sun was dimmed. The setting changed to the side of a forest lake, the trees obscuring the sun and Jo sitting on the bank with her feet in the water. She glanced over at me and waved, I didn't bother to wave back as I walked over to her.

She glanced at me, eyes looking strange.

"What is it?" I asked, slight tinge of annoyance in my voice. I'd rather be checking back on Logan and Carlos or Kendall than be talking to the other enemy in my life. She glanced down at the water, neither of us casting a reflection in the clear lake. She then reached beside her and pulled out a piece of grey fabric, unfurling it to reveal a beanie.

Kendall's beanie. My eyes widened as she turned it inside out to reveal a word scrawled out in the fabric in dark blood.

'NEXT'.

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><p>Dum! Suspense! Things get real serious next chapter. Like the visit to the cornfields. But I don't want to spoil it. But hey, at least the drama with Cargan is finally over. Speaking of Cargan, I might write a little separate spin-off piece that dealt with the first time Logan said he loved Carlos since a friend that read this wanted to know more about the interaction. Just maybe. Well, hope you all enjoyed and review please!<p> 


	11. State of Lost Hope

Well, here's the next chapter and there is major, major drama. Just so you are prepared. I was about to go a totally different way with this chapter but I changed it at the last moment. And hopefully, it was the right choice. Well, thanks Flyawayy, NEP tunes out, Anonymous Freshman, cookielover101, Nobody Else Just Me and sum1cooler for the reviews, fav and alert! Hope you all enjoy the chapter.

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**

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><p><em><strong>'Hope is the worst of evils, for it prolongs the torment of man'<strong>_

After the message was received, all of us were on Kendall watch. That was the only thing that we watched, close and with all intent to do whatever it took to intervene. Carlos was more than happy to be able to see Jo and Camille again, ushering as many apologies to Camille so long as the girl could hear him.

I never apologized to Jo. Even though I knew that we were both technically screwed over by the same person, I never said sorry for initiating it. But the looks that she saw me give her whenever she would see her mother walk around the Palm Woods, her friends and co-stars laughing and chirping about, another girl taking her place in New Town High, said I was sorry enough.

And when she saw Kendall hold my practically dead hand on the other side covered in IV strands, kissing it and holding it close to his heart, she gave looks feeling sorry for me. I didn't want her to feel sorry for me. I didn't want her sympathy.

I just wanted Kendall. I wanted him safe. I wanted to be with him. I wanted to kiss and tell him everything will be alright.

But why wouldn't Kendall see me? Why couldn't he see any of us? Logan could see us once he returned to the other side. Carlos could see us. Why can't Kendall? Logan had began to hit the books once more, researching into the paranormal and spirits. Books about exorcisms and ghosts. About angels and demons. Heaven and hell. I didn't want to think about any of those things. Being here without Kendall and without all of the people that I love was hell enough. But the more I was here, the more I started to notice things I never saw before.

I saw Carlos and Logan's love, that I would usually dismiss with a 'whatever' whenever Carlos talked to me about it when everything was normal. How Carlos would always snuggle against Logan whenever he was reading like a little puppy. How Logan would take him in his arms and nuzzle his head with his chin. How whenever they were in each others presence, they were always smiling and everything around them didn't matter anymore. How I wanted to be with Kendall, something special like that.

I saw Jo and Camille get sicker and sicker the longer they were in this limbo. They were growing paler and skinnier, the clothes that they wore hanging off of their lanky frames. They tried not to let me get worried about it, they continued on with their plans and strategies. They weren't going to quit.

Even though they looked like they were about to drop dead any moment.

I saw Holly's eyes grow more and more lighter in the sun of the fields. And the way that she looked at me made me homesick. The more I looked at her face, the more she reminded me of Kendall and Katie. Maybe she was a descendant from the Knight family. But then again, Kendall and Katie would have mentioned her or at least Mama Knight. Maybe it was just a coincidence.

"I wish I knew how it felt when someone loves you," she said softly to me one day while Camille and Jo watched over Kendall. She turned over in the grass and placed a hand over my heart. "Does it beat fast when you're around him?"

"Yeah. . .it's a wonderful feeling,"

She placed her hand over her own heart.

"I remember feeling my heart beat fast. . .then a few moments later, I was here," she said softly and I gave a her a sad look. What's going to happen to her when we all leave here? How is she going to get out of here? If she can get out of here, that is.

"Uh, by the way. I didn't thank you for that one time you helped me,"

"What do you mean?" she asked and I turned over to face her.

"You know. You got Katie to scream and I guess that made whatever that girl was doing to me stop,"

". . .That was the other girl," she said softly and I raised my eyebrow. Katie said she saw a blond girl that told her to scream. If it wasn't Holly then. . .Jo.

Damn it.

I haven't talked to Jo the entire time that we were here, even though she kept on trying to connect to me on something. Talk to me about Kendall. Trying to console me about my feelings. Talk to me about stuff I didn't want to talk about. The time that Jo was here, she noticed a lot of things as well. How I was desperate for Kendall's attention. How I desired his touch, his love. How me and Kendall kissed. . .she saw everything.

I whisked away from the cornfields to where Jo was, sitting amongst a group of flowers both dead and alive. This world was changing, it felt like everything that had life was slowly beginning to wither and die. She looked up at me and gave a small smile, waving for me to come sit with her. I gulped and walked over to the girl slowly, sitting beside her and picking up some flowers of my own. She twirled one flower in her hand, it slowly coming back to life then going brown with death.

"So. . .I guess. . ." I started out slowly, not sure of what to say. We didn't even talk to each other back home, what made being here any different? She placed the flower down and wrapped her arms around me in a hug, her face going into my arm and I could feel her tears going through my shirt.

"What are we going to do?" she cried and I gripped the flowers tighter. "We don't know when that girl is going to strike or how to stop her. How are we going to keep them safe?"

"We just need to have hope. We'll keep them safe. I won't let her hurt any of them," I said and she looked up at me, wiping her eyes. I never seen her like this. She always acted like she had everything under control, like nothing in the world could bother her. Now I saw she was just as scared and worried just like I was. Only her body looked completely sick as well.

"James. . .promise me something,"

"What?"

". . .That you'd take care of Kendall," she said softly and I looked at her. She picked up another flower, "You may not have known it, but he isn't this. . .tough guy with all the plans. When we would be together, he would always tell me how he was afraid of what was going to happen in the future,"

"Like what?"

"Like Gustavo would fire you guys. Or like you guys would just be a one hit wonder and just fade away. Or that you would just leave to start your own career. . .and forget about him. He was afraid you won't need him anymore,"

"That's ridiculous. I love him too much to think about leaving him," I scoffed and she gave me a look. A look that said I had the exact same fears. Only about him leaving me. And I gave a small frown. "Okay, but I. . .I changed my mind. I love him and I will scream it out before I leave him. . .but he's still-"

"He loves you James. Stop doubting it, he's completely in love with you and only you," she said quietly and I looked over at her. She didn't look angry or sad. She just looked like she was at peace and gave me a small smile,"To be honest, I think that he always liked you, even before I left, but think about it. What would you do if you had the opportunity to save a friend or go with someone you love. You would want to do both, wouldn't you? That's what Kendall's doing. He's trying to make sure that everyone's happy in the end. . .that everyone's safe once all of this is over. And it's killing him,"

She was right. Kendall was pale and his green eyes lost their luster. He didn't even sleep anymore, he would just lie in his bed with eyes wide open and stare at the ceiling. He didn't seem to think anymore. He didn't seem to plan anymore. Not even with Carlos and Logan's continuing interactions and plans to help us all.

He lost it. He lost hope.

I sat with Logan and Carlos while Camille and Holly went to watch over Kendall at the hospital. Though they couldn't hear me, they could still read my facial and body expressions. And I tried to show exactly how I was feeling. Carlos tapped on his helmet and glanced over at me.

"James. . .you're not going to die, are you?" he asked quietly and I shrugged. I didn't know what was going to happen or what that girl was planning. Her and the fake. Now that there's two threats, things had gotten a lot more serious. Whatever thing we needed to do, we needed to do it now. Kendall came storming into the apartments, Camille and Holly at his heels. Logan jumped up from the couch, trying to pull Kendall aside, tears streaming down the blond's cheek.

"Kendall! What-please stop. What's going on?" Logan asked, trying to sooth the taller male and Kendall pushed him aside.

"They're going to kill him. They can't do anything else. It's either put him out of his misery or just wait for him to die. They don't care. They won't wait for him to wake up. Logan. . ." he started crying and Carlos joined in, wrapping his arms around Kendall and hugging him tightly. Logan was frowning.

"They can't do this. We still have time,"

"Time for what! It's over! We lost, okay? James is going to die!" Kendall shouted and Carlos held onto his arm.

"Kendall. . .everything will be alright-"

"How could you say that? Especially when he's wired and plugged up like. . .like a fucking computer!" Kendall shouted and Carlos shuddered.

"Please Kendall, you just got to have faith,"

". . .I need to go lie down," he grumbled, shrugging out of Carlos's grasp and walking up to our room. Carlos looked over at me and made a motion for me to follow him. I sighed and closed my eyes, feeling the cushion of the bed underneath me. Kendall was crouched beside his bed, slumped over the red sheets and crying.

"Kendall. . ." I whispered, walking over and bending down to the blond, closing my eyes and resting my head on his shoulder, though he couldn't feel me. Kendall's sobs turned into whimpers and sniffs, his shoulders heaving up and down as he breathed and I wrapped my arms around him. "I love you Kendall. So much. . .don't give up on me. I would never give up on you," I said softly.

". . .James?" Kendall asked and my eyes widened.

"Kendall? Kendall, can you hear me?" I asked, leaning in close to his ear. Then I heard something else.

A light laugh. And a dark laugh.

Kendall slumped backwards and fell on the ground, eyes a clear white and lips parted, small trickle of blood beginning to leak out and I screamed. Holly, Jo and Camille appeared in a flash and two of the girls screamed as well, Holly staring down at the body with a blank expression. I heard Logan and Carlos's feet come running and they busted through the door. Logan's eyes fell on Kendall's body and his eyes widened as well.

"What's going on-" he ran into the room and then fell with a thud, eyes going clear white as well.

"Logie!" Carlos shouted and I raised a hand.

"Wait, don't!" I shouted but it was too late. Carlos came running and gasped, falling to the ground beside Logan and eyes turning white. Camille began to hyperventilate.

"W-What's happening?" she gasped out and Holly looked at me.

"The cornfields," she said softly and I nodded, the fields coming into view and the bedroom disappearing. Only, something was different.

It wasn't the bright and sunny cornfields with a sky as blue as the sea and clouds that painted and filled it. It was dark night sky with a large full moon shining dimly. Not a single star in sight. The corn stalks and grass were browned and dead, not green and fruitful. And it was cold instead of the comforting warmth that was usually felt. Jo stepped closer to Camille, holding onto her arm.

"I don't like what's going on," she said quietly. Holly stared ahead at the rows of cornstalks and suddenly began to run towards them. I quickly followed after her, hearing Camille and Jo close behind and feet crunching through the dead grass. Holly was moving quicker and quicker, it almost felt like we've been running for hours, not even close to the heart of the fields.

Holly's burial place.

The moon grew brighter and it cast a light down in one spot that we were running too. And the sounds of groans and moans coming from the moonlight made me begin to run faster, run far ahead of Holly. The sounds grew louder and louder and then something grabbed at my ankle and I fell into the cold dirt. Holly stopped and then fell to the ground as well. And though I couldn't see them, I heard Camille and Jo fall down as well. The cornstalks around us began to shrink into the ground and make a circle with the moon over our heads. And there I saw them.

Carlos, Logan and Kendall were lying down in the dirt, faces up towards the sky. And gripping their arms and legs were hands that sprouted from the ground, almost like the dead trying to pull them in. And in between us was Holly's body, covered in blood and removed from the spot she was buried. Kendall struggled to lift his head up and saw me, his eyes going wide and lips curling in pain.

"James!" he shouted and my eyes began to water with tears.

"Kendall! Kendall, everything will be alright! Hold on!" I shouted back, struggling against the hands that gripped me and pulled me down.

"What's going on! Help! HELP!" Carlos shouted.

"Carlos, everything will be alright. I'm here, I'm here. I'll protect you," Logan said calmly, trying to slip his hand into his boyfriend's grasp but the hands restricting him. Then another dark laugh was heard and the stalks moved, a boy walking towards us. He smiled darkly and went to stand by Holly's body and looked over at Carlos and Logan. Blood was slowly dripping from his lips and he clenched his hands.

"Well, well. Did you miss me?" he asked.

"We don't know what you're talking about! We never seen you before!" Logan shouted and the boy smiled even more.

"Of course you never seen me like this. But you remember me like this," he said, his wet black hair growing shorter and darker brown, his legs shrinking down a bit, his face contorting and twisting until the smile that was covered in blood had dimples to go with it.

And resembled the other Logan.

Carlos screamed in pain at the face and Logan gave him a dark glare while the other Logan smiled more, pulling out the necklace and dangling it over Holly's corpse. "And the Mistress has been waiting for you,"

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><p>I probably killed you all again by bringing the other Logan back. He wasn't dead though, just weakened as evident by the constant bleeding. And I might kill or relieve you guys more by saying the story is almost at its end. There might be maybe three or four chapters left, including an epilogue or whatever. And I'm going to do my best to answer any remaining questions left. Well the main question will mostly be the identity of the girl and the doppleganger (Fake Logan), the power that is keeping the BTR gang trapped, and also the mystery of Holly's past and death. Well, if you guys are ready for the last few chapters of the story, review please!<p> 


	12. State of Mind

Well, I just figured why not. I was already planning on uploading two chapters together anyways. But I figured, 'might as well just upload it all and get this story over with'. It's been fun writing this story and it was the one that really launched me in writing BTR stories. So thanks to all the people that reviewed, favorited, put this story and me on alert, everything. And thanks to SgtGroganSG, Nobody Else Just Me, ninja 70, comics lover, Sum1cooler, Anonymous Freshman, gameboy33349 and Milkamoo97. And to all of the Cargan fans that I put through so much torture through this entire story, the epilogue is for you. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**

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><p><em><strong>'The things you owed end up owning you'<strong>_

The fake Logan walked around us, staring down at us on the ground with hungry and dark eyes as we glared up at him.

"What are you planning?" I whispered and he stopped by me, crouching down and yanked my head up by my hair.

"Mistress is weak. And she needs a new body to inhabit as do I. So when she comes, she will choose the two for me to take,"

"And everyone else?" I asked and he smiled, throwing my head back on the ground and walking over to Carlos, Carlos pleading and begging him to stay away. He yanked the Latino up by the hair as well, blood covered tongue sticking out and licking along Carlos' sweating neck and Carlos shivered.

"I'm going to have fun with this one," he didn't need to explain what he meant by that, "and then, I'm going to kill him in the slowest possible way," he then glanced over at Logan's wide and horrified expression, "just so you can hear him scream,"

"You bastard!" Logan shouted and began to thrash about in the dirt, the hands almost being pulled out of the ground but trying to hold him down as best as they could. The fake Logan laughed once more as Carlos screamed in pain, the hands beginning to claw deep into his skin. Camille and Jo began to moan in pain as well, skinny arms beginning to show deep red marks against their skin. Holly said nothing, her eyes were watching her corpse, her body that she never knew existed here. The corn stalks moved again and the fake Logan got up from tormenting Carlos to stand by the body as the plants moved and in walked the girl.

Her body was just as sickly and thin as Camille's and Jo's and she looked over at me, red lips curving into a smile. I growled low in my throat and the hands tightened to keep me from moving. She looked around the circle of people trapped by the hands and then frowned.

"Where is the little girl? I wanted her here," she whispered quietly and the fake Logan frowned.

"She wasn't there. I couldn't track her," he said and then she looked down at Holly's body, her eyes growing livid and dark.

"What is this doing here? I wanted this body destroyed! Why is it here!"

"Mistress-"

"Get rid of it, now! I don't want to see it!" she screamed out, her voice cracking. Holly's began to mumble something, lips not making loud enough sounds and the girl bent down over Holly's corpse, grabbing it by the shoulders and shaking it viciously. "It's all your fault! It's all your fault!" she cried as if the body could hear her. Then Holly's voice came in more clear.

"I remember," she croaked out, "I remember everything,"

"What?" I asked and she kept her eyes focused on her body.

"I was at a party a boy was throwing with my best friend. She really liked that boy. But he never noticed her. He really liked me though, but I never noticed him. She got angry at me," she whispered and the girl looked up at Holly, eyes going wide.

"Shut up," she shouted, but Holly continued.

"The boy told her to leave, he didn't want her there. But he wanted me to stay, and that made her more angry,"

"Shut up!"

"And I never saw her after that party. She stopped talking to me. But the boy, the boy kept talking to me. We talked for so many days and it felt like we were the only people in the world. Our own world that me and him shared in our moments together. It felt like. . .it felt like love. He sent a message to meet him in the cornfields. I was going to ask him out to the dance at school. So I went. . .and then-"

"Shut up, you slut!" the girl screamed and then she swiped her nails across Holly's cheek. It left a deep gash but instead of Holly's cheek beginning to bleed, the cheek on Holly's corpse began to bleed. Holly looked up at the girl, eyes wide and emotionless.

"She killed you," I muttered and the girl whipped her head to face me, biting her lower lip and blood coming from her mouth. "It was all a trap. She killed you out of jealousy,"

"Don't act like you're better than me," she hissed, "you banished that girl here because she had that stupid blonde boy's affection,"

"I never wanted her to be trapped like this. Or Camille. Or Logan. Or Kendall and Carlos. I am nothing like you," I hissed back and she growled. She looked back at the fake Logan.

"Kill him now," she ordered, pointing straight at Kendall and I tried to struggle against the hands. Everyone began to scream and shout and the girl smiled at me darkly. I looked at her, my eyes hard and angry but then growing soft.

"Please, please let us go," I begged and she walked over to me, her hand gripping my face and thumb rubbing over my cheek.

"I hate him. I hate that little girl. I want them dead," she whispered.

"Why? They never done anything to you,"

"It's all her fault. It's her fault that she's dead. It's her fault that boy killed himself because she disappeared. It's her fault that brother of hers had a child that looked like her and then that child had two children that looked like her. And I want every single remembrance of her off the face of the earth,"

Holly was related to Kendall and Katie. A great aunt. And the only reason she wants them dead was because they reminded her of that horrible crime she committed against someone she was supposed to care about. Someone that trusted her. I took in a deep breath as I tried to think. What could I do to change her mind? To make her spare him and Katie when she manipulated everything to get what she wanted. It can't be over, we can't die here. Not when we have so many people waiting for us on the other side.

". . .Take me," I whispered and she stared at me, Camille and Jo turning over their heads to give me shocked glances as well. I gulped and shuddered out another breath, "if. . .if you set all of my friends free and they can return home safely. . .I'll stay with you and let you love me,"

"James!" Kendall shouted and a hand sprouted from the ground to cover his mouth. Tears were already beginning to come from my eyes as I looked at the girl.

"Please, don't hurt them anymore. Send them home," I pleaded and felt the hands beginning to loosen their grip. She began to smile, the first time her smile didn't look evil and controlling. It looked like the smile that the boy would have seen if he said he loved her.

"You'll stay with me?" she asked lightly and Kendall was thrashing around in the dirt. She looked over at him, eyes still filled with hate, "If they all leave, they won't remember you. They won't remember anything that happened, they'll live life without you,"

"I don't care," I choked out and I looked over at Carlos' pleading face. I wanted him to forget about everything that fake done to him and how he took away that wonderful innocence. I wanted Logan to forget about the sorrow he was put though because Carlos was sick. I wanted Camille and Jo to forget the feelings of being hopeless and the nightmares that happened to them. I wanted Kendall to forget my almost dead body and the pain of everything happening.

Even if it meant he will never remember me and how much I love him, if the people I loved were safe, I don't care anymore. I just want them safe.

Carlos began to shout 'No' as well as Logan, hands sprouting up to silence them as well. I gave a slow and weak nod and the hands that held me down were now fully off of me and I got onto my feet. She wrapped her arms around my waist and buried her face in my chest. I looked up at the fake Logan, his face contorted and twisted.

But at the same time, looking strangely happy.

"Does that mean you don't need me anymore?" he asked, eyebrow raised. The girl looked over at him and smiled.

"I'm happy now that he's here. He's mine. I won. I beat her,"

I wonder if I looked like the boy she was in love with. Everything felt like it was beginning to click. Maybe if I resembled the boy and the moment she saw me and Kendall, she found away to make herself happy. Get the lookalike of the boy that killed himself almost 40 years ago and kill the boy that was the descendant of a girl that used to be her friend. And make some more people miserable in the process.

The fake Logan smiled, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the little black book that the girl carried with her and flipped it open to the first page.

"And so the deal is complete," he said and snapped it shut. The girl jumped away from me, holding her stomach and groaning in pain. She looked over at the fake Logan, eyes wide and horrified.

"No. . .you can't. . ."

"40 years or so ago, a stupid little girl took an innocent life and didn't want to face the consequences," he said, opening the book and looking through it, voice changing and going deep and sophisticated, "and two days after, a stupid little boy hanged himself to be with the one he loved. And so, the stupid little girl called on all forces of witchcraft and the supernatural to message the one she lost. And she messaged me,"

The hands began to slide off of Carlos and Logan. Logan quickly grabbed onto Carlos' shaking figure, holding him close and rubbing his back to calm him down. "The stupid little girl asked me to do two things. One was to erase the memory of the innocent life in all minds of people on the other side so her crime could never be found, therefore creating this realm and sending the body and soul here. Second, she asked to bring back the stupid little boy, but he was already too gone to bring back. So it was instead pushed down upon me to give companionship until I was no longer needed,"

"Please don't-" the girl gasped out and then collapsed onto the ground, writhing in pain.

"And in exchange for these requests, she was to give me her soul. She agreed, she was confident that she wouldn't have to pay, she would give me another soul to replace hers. And that was the way it has been,"

Jo and Camille were released from the hands and ran over to Carlos and Logan, watching the girl and the other Logan with fear and confusion. "She manipulated and preyed on those that were desperate and wanting, giving what they wanted and taking their souls as payment. Doing my job and taking more and more power away to do as she wished. A complete embarrassment, here I was serving a human that had more power over me than I over her especially when I gave her what she wanted. Forced to call her Mistress when she stolen more and more of my power to keep herself safe from the contract that she needed to conclude. . .but then she saw you," he tilted his head and smiled at me, "and now she said she was happy, and her contract was completed,"

The hands released Kendall and he jumped up from the ground, looking at me with worried and loving eyes. He ran over to me and wrapped his arms around me, watching the other Logan closely. He raised his hands, tilting his head to the other side. "You're free to go. Along with the other little fools here,"

"Do you think you're forgiven because of this?" I asked, looking over to Carlos and back to him. The fake Logan's skin began to darken until it was pitch black, eyes beginning to darken as well until he resembled nothing more than a shadow that was being cast by someone not seen.

"I'm a demon, I'm not known for playing fair," he said, his voice sounding deeper and echoing in the world around us. "And as much as I would want to take your souls, I'm afraid you were a deal breaker,"

"Because she was tricked?"

"Because you had a selfless want. She had 99 souls written down in this book that had wants that benefited themselves, consciously or not. You wanted them safe and happy. I usually find humans disgusting and perfect tools for manipulation, but I'm. . .rather pleased by you,"

Kendall held onto me tighter and the girl moaned again in pain.

"I hate you. I hate you. You tricked me, I _am _your mistress, I called on you!"

"Such a whiny girl," the shadow scolded as the hands sprouted up from the ground and she screamed. "The deal is done,"

And with that, she disappeared in the blink of an eye, along with the shadow and Holly's body. Everyone was hesitant to move at first, looking at the spot where the girl once was and then Carlos quickly ran over to me, wrapping his arms around me and hugging me tightly.

"James, James, oh god James," he repeated, tears soaking into my shirt and then Logan came over and hugged me as well. We all stood in the light of the moon, hugging and holding each other tightly. But Kendall was the one that held me the tightest and I felt him kissing my cheek and my neck, muttering 'I love you' over and over into my skin.

That was the last thing I heard before I closed my eyes and felt the warmth of the sun return.


	13. State of Peace

There was nothing but darkness with a small light off in the distance as I walked towards it. It was growing closer and closer and the light was getting brighter and brighter. I felt hands slide over me, shake my hand, pat my back and ghostly whispers of thanks in my ear. The light grew brighter and brighter and I closed my eyes from the shining light.

And I felt something soft underneath me and someone speaking in my ear.

"Dude. . .dude. . .dude, wake up," Guitar Dude's voice rang in my ear and my eyes fluttered open. I was in the lobby, sprawled out on the couch. The guitarist smiled and gave me a friendly pat on the shoulder. "Hitting the studio too hard lately? You and your buddies need to chill and relax,"

I looked over to find Carlos sleeping in the chair, hands rested on his helmet.

"What day is today?"

"Uh, I think it's August 5th or something,"

August 5th. . .a couple of weeks from now will be Carlos' birthday. And today felt strange. Like this all happened before. Then I heard another voice in my head, soft and sweet.

_Everything will be alright. . .he's waiting. . ._

Carlos woke up with a sudden jolt and looked over at me and Guitar Dude. He shook his head and looked around the room.

"Whoa, deja vu," he said quietly and then looked out to the pool area. Camille, Logan, Jo and Kendall were all looking around as well, faces confused and tired. Kendall. . .I felt a rush of emotions hit me all at once. Happiness, sadness, love, sorrow, hope. Months worth of emotion experienced in possibly only a few seconds.

And I wasn't really sure why.

I stood up, walking out the door and Carlos watching me from the lobby, eyes wide and curious. Kendall looked up and gave me a confused glance as I pulled him out of his seat and dragged him over to a secluded area of the Palm Woods pool, where the trees and bushes made a sort of hideaway. My heart began to thud in my chest, what was I doing? Why am I doing this when he was in love with-

_He loves you so much. Just like you love him._

That light voice made my heart gain steady rhythm. He loves me? And I love him. I love him so much I would die for him. Give up everything for him. Even if he wouldn't do it for me.

"James. . ." Kendall whispered quietly and I let go of his hand, turning to face him and looking him directly in the eyes.

"Yes?"

". . .I think I was dreaming back there," he jutted a thumb out to the table where he was sitting at. "I had a dream where everything was so strange and horrible. . .and you were so sick. And I. . .you said you loved me,"

. . .Was it a dream?

_No. . .he brought you back. . .back to the first day. . ._

Everything clicked. The day we met the girl was August 5th.

_You won't remember her anymore. . .or me. . .good luck, James. . .thank you. . ._

. . .Holly.

"Kendall. . .what if I said I had a dream like you did?" I said softly.

"I would think that we've gone crazy," he said with a playful laugh and then looked down at the ground, ". . .but I might have been upset,"

"Why?"

". . .Because when you said you loved me. . .it felt so real. When you kissed me. . .it was. . ."

I watched Kendall blush and get flustered, unsure of what to say to him. He was trying to confess. He was trying to let his emotions out. So I took his hand in my own, the other hand touching his face gently.

"Was it like this?" I asked and leaned in, pressing my lips against his softly. I felt him shake in surprise, his hand squeezing mine. It was nothing, his lips still tightly sealed. Then his lips began to move against mine, meshing and sliding along slowly. And the world disappeared, at least in my mind it did. Nothing didn't matter anymore, as long as I was still here with the person I love. Kendall's hand slipped from my hand and went to cup my face, fingers twirling my hair and playing with the ends. I pulled away, giving a kiss to his cheek and then another kiss to his lips and pulled him closer to me. "I love you, Kendall Knight,"

". . .I love you too, James Diamond," he said with a small smile and I gave a small smile back before capturing his lips again, more forcefully and passionate.

Until I heard Carlos shout out, "It's about time!"

We pulled away to find Carlos, Camille, Logan and Jo peeking though the bushes. Jo looked at me and closed her eyes and I bit my lip, waiting for her to start screaming and raving about me stealing her boyfriend. But instead, she opened her eyes and gave a small smile.

"You two are cute together," she said softly and Kendall shuddered a breath. "He's right. It's about time,"

Carlos continued to smile brightly and looked over at the two girls and Logan.

"Let's go get something to eat. I'm starving," he said, forgetting all about the revelation that was yes, James was head over heels in love with Kendall and Kendall felt the exact same way.

"Oh Carlos I have to do something with Camille. . .maybe next time," Logan said and Carlos frowned, looking at the ground sadly.

"Oh. . .okay," he said quietly and Camille nudged Logan in the arm.

"I think that I have some spare money we can use," she said with a playful smile and Carlos' eyes brightened.

"Spare money from what?" he asked and she placed a finger to her lips.

"It's a secret," she said and walked away, Carlos following after her and chirping about if it involved a birthday present. Logan shook his head and smiled, following his ecstatic boyfriend. Jo gave us one more look, Kendall shuffling from foot to foot.

"It's alright, Kendall," she said and Kendall looked over at her.

"Jo. . ."

"I know how you both feel about each other. . .and I hope you both are happy,"

She gave a small wave and went to go find the others. Kendall turned to me and I slipped my hand in his.

"Kendall. . .if you still want her. . .you can go after her," I said quietly.

". . .But I love you," he whispered, "I love you so much. . .you were always the guy that dated and knew everyone. I was. . .me. I always thought you wouldn't want someone like me. I'm not some glamorous Hollywood actor, I'm not some hot model, I'm not the greatest singer. I'm a hockey player from Minnesota that just got lucky and is living the dreams with his best friends and the guy he's hopelessly in love with. I thought I wasn't good enough to be with you, to be with someone as beautiful and talented as you. . ."

"Kendall. . ." I kissed him again, lips lingering on his and he hummed, making my lips part slightly and his tongue slipped in, exploring and tasting each and every part of my mouth. His hands went back up to my hair again, messing it up and pulling me more closer. He pulled away and stuck his head in the crook of my neck, fingers going to intertwine with mine. "You're so perfect. You're so beautiful. I love you so much. I love you," I punctuated each statement with a kiss to his lips and he smiled.

"Come on, let's go before Carlos eats all the food again," he said softly, pulling my hand along gently to go and hang out with friends. To go and be with Carlos and hear his echoes of love about Logan. To be with Logan and listen to his lectures about his books and knowledge. To be with Camille who secretly included me and Kendall in on the birthday party surprise which she dubbed 'Operation Lovebirds'. To be with Jo and not feel the same kind of animosity I did before, actually enjoying her presence (not to mention that she had a bunch of embarrassing stories to tell about Kendall that I found absolutely hilarious). To be with Kendall every moment and be able to hold his hand and hear him say 'I love you' and to just be in a world of our own.

Life was good.

_**'Happiness is not a possession to be prized, it is a quality of thought, a state of mind'**_


	14. Epilogue

"Fun party today," I said and Kendall nodded, pulling me closer in his embrace. Carlos' birthday party went off without any troubles in the slightest. And Carlos was more than elated to be bouncing around amongst the presents and birthday cake, happy that we didn't forget his birthday.

But how could we forget? He was practically counting down the days until the party.

Logan didn't mention anything about the ring at the party and just said his gift came in three parts. Carlos obliged, he was just happy that he was spending time with Logan again. And Logan whisked him away to the restaurant as soon as people were leaving, which left me and Kendall in the lobby with a bunch of birthday cake sitting in front of us to eat by ourselves. Kendall scooped a finger of icing off his slice and he sucked it off, humming to himself and I smiled, scooping some icing up myself and dabbing his nose.

"Hey!" he shouted and smeared some icing on my face and I frowned, grabbing some cake and smashing it into his face. He coughed and grabbed a chunk of cake as well, pushing me down onto the couch and straddling my waist and smashed the cake in my face. I spat some that got into my mouth out and he smiled. "Not so fun, is it?"

"I hope you're happy. My face is all sticky,"

"That's what she said," Kendall said with a goofy grin and I rolled my eyes, trying to locate a napkin and wipe the dessert off. He held my hand down and turned my face to his. "But I must say, you look delicious,"

I hummed as he gave a kiss to my cheek, smearing the icing around and then licking some of it off of my face. I pushed him away, turning my head.

"Ew, what are you a dog?"

"You liked it," he said with a smile and kissed my frosting-covered lips, licking and sucking until they were most likely red and swollen.

"Bitters is going to kick us out if he catches us," I mumbled under his lips and he scoffed, giving another playful lick on my cheek.

"Aw, who cares. He'll just see the cake and take it, he wouldn't even notice us,"

I smiled and he kissed me again, hips lowering and rolling against mine slightly. I stifled a gasp and he moaned into the kiss, hands that were most likely covered in frosting starting to go through my hair and grab at the pillow beside my head. My eyes fluttered open slightly to see two people in suits walking around the pool, illuminated by the pool lights and candles on the table.

Carlos and Logan.

I pushed Kendall off of me and he gave me a confused look before I pointed over at the two and he looked. He nodded and smiled, Kendall grabbing my hand and pulling me outside to go and spy on the two lovers.

Carlos and Logan were walking around the pool, hand in hand and talking quietly with each other as me and Kendall watched from the potted plants. The place where we usually did our spying at the Palm Woods, just no tree-hats this time.

"Dinner was great, Logie," Carlos said softly and smiled, "you even found a place that doesn't make you take off hats. . .and helmets,"

"Well, half of the credit goes to Camille, she helped pay for some of it,"

"I know. And I'm going to thank her too when I see her, just. . .you're so amazing,"

"Oh Carlos," Logan said, taking the Latino's face and kissing his lips and I tried my best to resist the urge to go 'aw' and risk them finding out we we're spying on them. Everything about how Logan and Carlos interacted made me want to coo and smile at the two of them. Logan pulled away and kissed each knuckle of Carlos' hand and kissed his forehead. "There's one more part of you're birthday,"

"Ooh, what is it? What is it?" Carlos chirped some more and Logan smiled before reaching into his coat pocket and pulled out the little black box that held the ring.

And got down on one knee.

"Oh shi-" Kendall slapped a hand over my mouth, eyes looking as surprised as mine. He raised a finger to his lips and shushed me before turning all attention to the two boys. Carlos' eyes were wide and he stared down at the boy, lip quivering.

"Logie?"

"Four months ago I put everything down on the line and confessed how much I love you in this exact spot," he looked around the pool and smiled, "and now I'm going to do it again. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Carlos. Whether if we're singing in a band or playing hockey or I'm a doctor and you're a superhero, I want to be with you. And until I find the ring to ask your hand in marriage that perfectly explains how much I love you and would do anything for you, I hope you'll accept this ring and wait until I do,"

Carlos stared at him, slowly nodding yes and Logan slipped the silver ring on Carlos' trembling hand. He stood up, gave Carlos a kiss on the nose and wrapped his arms around him in a tight hug.

". . .Carlos, please don't cry," Logan said softly and Carlos sniffled.

"This is the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me," he cried, wiping his eyes with a sad smile and Logan hugged him tighter. He looked up into the sky and sighed.

"James. Kendall. You can come out now," Logan called out and both me and Kendall tensed before slowly moving from behind the brick wall and to the happily pre-engaged couple. Logan raised an eyebrow at our frosting-covered faces and shook his head and I scoffed.

"It's just icing, don't let your fantasies run wild," I said and Logan smirked, giving Carlos a tighter hug and kissed him, taking the still struck Carlos by the hand into the lobby. I looked over at Kendall.

"So are you going to propose to me anytime soon?"

Kendall shrugged before throwing an arm around my waist.

"Why not? Marrying you would be quite the adventure,"he said with a smile and nuzzled my nose with his and I smiled back.

"Dating you is already an adventure for me," I whispered and he kissed my lips. What am I saying, life with everyone here at the Palm Woods was an adventure.

And I hope it never ends.

**END.**

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><p>Well, thanks for reading this story, you guys. A story that I wrote with the Twilight Zone in mind and has been compared to Inception and The Lovely Bones. Believe me, I'm so happy how many people loved this story. And I'm still writing and have a bunch of ideas for some more stories. More are whimsical, this is the first time I ever written something so angsty in my whole life. Maybe the next one I write will give off the same vibe as 'State of Mind'. But until then, thanks for reading. <strong><br>**


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